


Meet Me on the Inside

by wellthizizdeprezzing



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Humor, Some Captain Swan at the beginning, body switch hi-jinks, but he's only there to make fun of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-06-20 06:16:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15527955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellthizizdeprezzing/pseuds/wellthizizdeprezzing
Summary: A wish on a shooting star gone wrong leaves Regina and Emma in an unexpected situation that forces them to reevaluate their friendship. Will it survive to bloom into something else, or will it crumble and fall?





	1. To Wish Upon a Star

_Fuck Hook,_  Regina thinks spitefully as she pours herself another tumbler of her cider, hand shaking with the strain of thinking about that bearded joke of a man, and because of all she's drank already. This is her fifth, no, sixth? glass of cider and she knows she's going to regret this in the morning but right now it's her best option. Killing people or ravishing whole towns is no longer open to her, so slowly poisoning her liver is the next best she's got.

She drains that glass quickly and slams it too harshly onto her desk top where she sits hunched over on herself. Her blazer is hanging haphazardly off of the chair, one sleeve off, almost as if it was drunk too. Her shirt is unbuttoned all the way down to her bra and barely tucked into her skirt.  _I should have taken the skirt off_ , she thought to herself, because it was going to be a pain in the ass to get it off, along with the pantyhose, without tripping over herself. Good thing her heels were neatly arranged downstairs, otherwise she bet she would have somehow managed to stumble and fall over in them, despite sitting down.

She poured the last of her cider into the glass, watching the last amber drop fall from the crystal decanter as she set it aside. She would have to get more. She wasn't drunk enough. Her tolerance for such manner of drink was high, given all the parties and revelries of the Enchanted Forest. It would take more for her to sufficiently and successfully black out to the miseries of this new world. Emma surprisingly had a high tolerance too- and here Regina went, thinking of a certain blonde. She swore to herself she wouldn't think of Emma, because to do so only caused her pain, especially whenever she saw Emma with that damn dirty pirate. He didn't deserve to have her, yet he did despite the fact he had been a villain too, had done some truly reprehensible things. Apparently, selling his ship for her had been enough proof to show how good he was. How willing to love.

Regina would sell her whole damn mansion, her Mercedes, anything of hers, if that's all it would take to prove she could love someone, that she was good enough to love them. But she knew it wouldn't be enough. It never would be enough. Because she was the evil queen and no matter how hard she tried to redeem herself only Emma believed her efforts, and even though the blonde believed her efforts, it wasn't enough either for her. She'd smile and wave, and be friends with Regina, but that was all they were.

Friends.

What a disgustingly sickening word. It only showed the limitations of how they could not progress through that stage onto something else.

Regina knew it was partially her own fault for the state of things. She had been antagonistic towards Emma, trying to even kill her once or twice, and the blonde had been pigheaded right back at her. But it was how they were meant to be at the time, for they were destined to be the evil queen and the savior. However, time passed and differing circumstances arose and they'd thrown the hatred aside for mutual respect and a workable relationship. And then it had turned into something else. Given some time for retrospect, and to enjoy the benefits of being friends with Emma, Regina had noticed that her earlier feelings of hatred had something else underlying them. It had been attraction. She had found the blonde attractive and an equal. Emma had been able to stand up to her time after time, and even keep up with Regina despite all her initial shortcomings and lack of knowledge with just what exactly she was dealing with.

Regina admired that. And she had wanted to...well, that was the crux of one of her dilemmas. She didn't know what she wanted from Emma. She did, but she didn't at the same time. She wanted the comfort of another body lying beside her, wanted soft kisses in the dark, wanted family meals by the table, wanted something solid. Yet she didn't want to ruin what they had already. They had fought and clawed their way to get their relationship where it was, and Regina was afraid that any small disturbance would cause it to come crashing down from the mountain tops to a deep dark abyss choked with animosity.

Regina ran a frustrated hand through her hair, huffing over her seventh drink, unfocused eyes on the amber liquid. Why couldn't things be easy for once? Why couldn't she stop suffering? Seeing Emma with Hook,  _losing_  her to Hook, was a terrible blow. He had nothing he could offer to her. He was irresponsible, a drunkard, a slob, and a bloody pirate, above all! What could Emma see in him that she couldn't in Regina? Why had their love come so easily?

Everyone's love came easy except for Regina's.

It was like the universe was stacked against her.

_I just wish, for once, I could get what I wanted._

And what was it she wanted?

She knew she couldn't have Emma, given as it was too late. The sheriff was already settling down with Hook, moving in with him, and it would only be a matter of time before they exchanged matching rings. The thought made Regina's mouth fill with acid, so she washed it away with a hearty gulp of alcohol.

And she was too cowardly, too afraid to come off as needy, to not have her feelings reciprocated, to confess to Emma or to try and make a move on her. She just wasn't ready to have her heart broken like that again. All she wanted, was perhaps, just a taste of what could have been.

A bright light flashed across her window, drawing her attention to the outside world. A streak of light was zooming through the inky darkness.  _A shooting star,_  she mussed belatedly. She didn't believe in shooting stars or in their ability to supposedly make wishes comes true, but she made one anyways, because what would it hurt? The alcohol had her feeling sappy and hopeful so she made her wish silently.

The star fizzled out and Regina finished off her glass before hiccuping gently and thunking her head down on her desk top. Damn it, she wasn't supposed to be thinking about Emma, or how Hook was probably holding her in his grubby hands- hand- and whispering sweet nothings into her ears. Yet she couldn't stop herself, or the way her eyelids slowly closed as sleep finally claimed her.

Under the lone shine of her desk lamp, Regina slept. And she dreamt of things she could not have.

She was stumbling in the darkness, steps heavy and climbing up somewhere. She didn't know where she was, couldn't make out the place. Her foot slipped on one of the steps and she threw out a hand to catch herself against the wall, steadying herself with a manly grunt. Apparently it was enough to wake up the other occupant of this place. The lights flickered out and Emma stepped out of the room Regina had been trying to get to.

"Killian," she said, reproach in her voice, folding her arms over her chest.

 _I can't even escape that mongrel in my dreams,_  Regina thought angrily. Her thinking of him and Emma must have lent her to having this odd dream. Could she shake it off? Because she didn't want her subconscious mind teasing her about things she couldn't have-her conscious mind did enough of that as it was.

"Emma," Hook's gruff voice came, sounding too loud, despite it being Regina who formulated the words.

"Are you drunk again?" Emma did not look happy at this.

"I was just having a little drink with the boys," he slurred, waving his hooked hand in explanation. It got stuck on the wall and with a a series of unsuccessful tugs he pulled it out, before nearly falling down the stairs if Emma hadn't taken a hold of his elbow.

"Until four in the morning?" Emma raised a disproving brow. "I thought we talked about this?"

"We did, love," Regina spoke, though no, she didn't know Emma and Hook had such a talk. She had hoped they would, because Emma deserved more than a man who came back home drunk like a fish, acting like he could go off and have fun with the boys like he was a bachelor.

"And?" Emma tapped her foot.

Regina was overcome with affection for this dream Emma.  _Good for her, don't give in to his shit._  "And I said I wouldn't be doing it anymore. Today was my last day, and you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I told the boys I was committing full time to spending more time with you."

There, that sounded something Hook-like enough. Knowing him, he would even give up drinking for Emma. Or at least Regina hoped he would. Emma deserved that.

"Oh." Emma's facial expression was indescribable. It was not the reaction Regina had been expecting from her. Wasn't she happy? Didn't she want a committed man? "That's...sweet," she said, sounding like she wanted to use another word. "But I think you should go to bed. Sleep it off."

"Of course. Know I love you," Regina leaned in and kissed Emma on her lips. The blonde's lips were soft, and warm. And they felt...so real. Like Regina was kissing the real thing. She instantly wanted more; found the feel addictive. So she kissed her again. And again. A buzz that had entirely nothing to do with the alcohol in her body filled her.

"Alright, Killian, I know what you're looking for," Emma pulled away, playful grin on her face.

"Do you?" Regina asked, because all she wanted was to keep kissing Emma. This was the best dream she'd ever had so far-if she looked past the fact she seemed to think she was Hook (maybe she somehow wished to be like him because he had Emma-she'd never thought her jealousy over Emma would lead her to wanting to be a stinking pirate)- even her fantasies of the blonde not comparing to how real this all felt.

"Uh huh, I do. You may think yourself slick and romantic but you don't need sweet words to lure me into bed." She grabbed the lapels of Regina's leather coat and tugged her into the bedroom, joining their lips together once more. Their tongues intertwined, dipping as they moved their heads to get better angles. Regina was breathing through her nose, lips sloppily trying to match Emma's. She cursed her drunken state. This was the last time she drank before going to bed.

Emma separated and sat down on their shared bed, patting the spot next to her. Regina hurried quickly to take off her boots and her jacket but doing it all with one hand was quite hard. Emma gave a small chuckle at watching the struggle before getting up and with gentle hands pulling the jacket off and then started to unbutton Regina's shirt, tossing it to the floor. The mayor looked down to see her chest was flat and hairy.

Horrendous. Why was her imagination filling in these sorts of details for her? Completely unnecessary. Yet Emma ran her hands across Regina's newly sculpted chest and the brunette felt something harden within her pants. Okay, that was new too. But she supposed it went along with the vastly different anatomy she currently had.

Regina saw that Emma was looking expectantly at her and got back to work. She'd think over the weirdness of this dream later, when she was awake. She slipped Emma's tank top pj easily over her head and found her naked underneath. Regina couldn't stop the heat pooling lower in her gut, or the way her new friend down there twitched. In the moonlight streaming through the windows, Emma was perfection. Toned arms, round breasts, and a sculpted stomach. Regina wanted to get her hand all over her, and her lips, but she felt too overwhelmed by Emma's beauty, in seeing her like this in front of her. So she stood there and gaped.

"What's wrong? Shy?" Emma teased, working to free the buckle from Regina's pants. Regina kicked her pants off and let Emma lead her to the bed. Emma laid down flat on the sheets and Regina hovered over her a tad awkwardly due to the hook. Emma's hands threaded through Regina's shorter hair cut, coming down to cup her chin. They shared one more kiss and then Emma directed Regina's head down to where she needed it most.

Emma's taste was exquisite and the way she moaned and writhed above Regina was  _everything_. It was better than anything in her previous fantasies and she didn't want it to stop, but Emma had to come eventually and she did so yelling out Killian's name and grabbing hard on Regina's hair until it made tears come into her eyes.

It hurt that Emma was still calling out Killian's name but why shouldn't she if that was who Regina was in this dream. Instead of letting her plea for Emma to call her Regina spill forth from her lips, she busied them by delving into Emma's core once more, making Emma clench her eyes shut hard and tremble all over again like she was going through an earthquake.

And then Emma was directing  _that_  part of Regina into herself and Regina felt a shudder hit her body as her eyes fluttered shut. She never could have imagined it would feel this good to be inside someone. It was so warm and wet and any qualms she might have about knowing how to use her new instrument were quickly thwarted as instinct took over.

They rocked in rhythm, panting and groaning in unison before Regina came first, Emma following a close second behind. Regina finally let her body collapse on top of Emma's sweat slicked skin. Regina had long sweated most of the alcohol out due to their activities, and now was finally able to regain her breath, before slowly opening her eyes to take in Emma's satisfied and drowsy look. Her hand ran through Regina's hair.

"That was something else..." she murmured.

 _I agree_ , Regina thought, never knowing a dream could feel this intense. It literally felt like she had come, her body aching in a strange but familiar manner, and the scents, soft vanilla and lemon coming from Emma, and the sounds, crystal clear of Emma's breaths and her words, all  _so_  real.

"What got into you tonight? It's never been this good," Emma lifted her lips up to allow Regina to kiss her again.

"Need another reminder? Because I can show just how truly good I can be," Regina husked, not willing to let this dream end just yet, and felt the lips under her's freeze. Hands pushed against her shoulders and she found herself staring into an intensely confused and scared face. Emma's eyes flickered back and forth as if looking for something that wasn't there, before she fearfully swallowed and spoke in a horrified hoarse whisper.

"Regina?"


	2. While the Captain's Away the Queen Will Play

"Regina?"

Emma's words freeze Regina. There's too much emotion in them to answer, too many questions she herself doesn't have a response to.

At first she thinks this is some weird dream transference bullshit where Emma is able to peek into Regina's subconscious and talk to her and surely Regina's going to wake up any moment now.

"Emma?" she questions with the same amount of gravity and confusion as the blonde underneath her.

"What happened to Killian?" there's an edge of panic in Emma's voice and she's breathing hard. Suddenly Regina is stone cold sober and awake.

This isn't a dream.

In some fucked up way, this has become her reality.

She clamps a hand to her mouth, and scrambles off of Emma and hurries to the bathroom down the hall. All the cider she's consumed comes back up into the porcelain bowl and once she's done, Emma's hands find their way onto her shoulders, wrapping her in an over sized shirt that she later realizes is Killian's.

"Regina, what's going on? What happened?" Emma looks like a little child in the fluorescent lighting of the bathroom and Regina hugs the shirt and shakes her head.

"I...I don't know." She's as shook as Emma, perhaps even more, but she can't let it show. "Last I know I was sleeping, and then I came to here, on top of you."

Emma blushes at that and unconsciously reaches for a love bite that Regina has left on her neck. "And what about Killian?"

"I don't know." It's a testament to how Regina is flustered that her lip doesn't automatically curl up on his name. "It's all confusing."

Emma presses the heel of her palm into her eye. "That's the understatement of the century. This is so fucked up."

Regina tries not to flinch at that. Of course Emma would treat this like it was the end of the world. She tried not to let that sting and instead focused on figuring out what happened, because she certainly doesn't know what is going on right now, other than her very vivid dream was actually a very vivid reality.

"Let's get dressed up," Emma offers and goes back to her bedroom. Neither of them make eye contact with the bed, for it is a stark reminder of what happened mere minutes ago. "Here." Emma hands Regina an oversized tee and some shorts before she puts clothes on herself. "Coffee?"

"Have anything stronger?" Regina knows she shouldn't be drinking but she needs something to numb the inevitable pain to come. Here she was, having just spent a night with Emma like she longed and wished she could do and it had been a disaster, totally coerced on both their parts. Neither was a fully willing participant due to whatever magic had been placed on them.

Emma nods her head. "Good idea. I have some whiskey in my cabinet."

Regina dresses hurriedly and tries to keep her eyes away from Emma as she too puts on her clothes. But it's hard to ignore the marks the two of them left on each other, hard to ignore how memories of hot bodies twisting and curling around each other fill their heads. Regina goes down the stairs when she's done and looks around until she finds the bottle and some clean glasses, pouring them a thumb each.

Emma grabs the offered glass, eyes never quite able to meet Regina's. Regina can't look into them either, afraid of what she might see in green depths. Hatred, disgust-things she is used to seeing, but not on Emma, not even when they were at each other's throats.

Emma drains the glass in one go, sets it down with a loud thunk on the counter. "Okay, let's talk about what the fuck just happened."

Regina nurses her drink more slowly, letting the burn of it cover the burn in her heart. "I thought it was all a dream."

"A dream?" Emma's brow raises.

"Yes...some sort of weird dream, where my hatred for Hook had extended to and taken control of my thoughts. I thought I had turned into him and was merely living out one of his love sessions with you," her lips curl in disgust and she covers it up with a sip of her whiskey. Emma knows she hates Hook, so she doesn't bother with that bit of information, but the more damning one.

"Why were you having dreams about me and Hook having sex?" Emma leans on the counter, closer to Regina.

Regina feels defenseless so she curls one arm around her midriff. "I think it has to do with whatever magic it was that was placed on me, rather than my own whims and desires." She tries to infuse indifference into the statement so Emma doesn't suspect the true reason.

"Are you sure...are you sure you didn't do something?"

Regina's head snaps up at the accusation. "Are you blaming this on me? You think I purposefully would turn into Hook?"

Emma has the decency to blush. "No. I just wanted to make sure. Sometimes magic can be wonky."

"I am well aware of that," Regina snaps out, because she wasn't fool enough to do risky magic like that. She wouldn't turn herself into Hook in order to just have Emma. She wanted to feel Emma's touch on her own skin, her kisses on her own lips.

"Do you have any clue what could have caused this? What were you doing before?"

"I was...indulging in a drink or two," Regina omits because it would be embarrassing to let Emma know how drunk she had gotten and the reason behind it.

"And?"

"I don't quite recall." And Regina doesn't. She just knows she was brooding and pining away a lot in those hours and she hates herself for being pathetic enough to do that.

"Well then, what happened?" Emma throws her hands up in exasperation.

"Why don't we look at things from your perspective. Did you mess with anything? It would be more believable that you would be the one to inadvertently mess something up."

Emma gave a hard glare. "No, I didn't do anything. It was a perfectly normal day. I woke up, did my shift, came home, watched some TV, ate some dinner, waited on Killian to come back. And he did...but was it you the whole time?"

Regina didn't want to answer that, but it would be helpful to the both of them if she did. "I..was..but I didn't know what was happening was real. I thought I was merely acting out some twisted dream."

Emma looks at her with consideration and Regina hates that contemplative look, as if Emma is trying to piece her together, to figure out if Regina needed her pity. "Don't," she snaps. "What ever magic placed on the both of us, I should say you deserve the pity and not me. I wasn't the one being tricked into thinking it was the love of my life I was sleeping with only to find out it was my friend." She swallows hard on calling Hook the love of Emma's life, but it's what destiny has decreed, has it not?

Emma doesn't say anything to that, instead: "If you're here, than where's Hook?"

As if summoned by her words, there is a pounding on the door. Emma hurries over, Regina lagging behind her. Hook is there on the doorstop, hands crossed over his chest. He's wearing Regina's outfit from last night and it's stretched across his massive chest hilariously. What's even funnier is seeing his hairy legs encased in a skirt and pantyhose.

"Killian!" Emma cries out in joy.

"You!" he ignores Emma and raises his hook pointing it threateningly at Regina. "You did this to me! Did you think it would be funny?" He moves forward and Emma shoves him back.

"Calm down!"

"Not until the witch explains to me what she's doing here in our house, and in your clothes!" His eyes are wild and he's suspicious. He's not wrong to have his doubts.

Emma casts a look at Regina, conflicted, and panicking. Regina clears her throat and plasters on a fake smile. "There was a minor body switch up. But worry not, nothing of serious consequence happened. I merely woke up here on the couch and you woke up where I was. No harm done."

He doesn't look too ready to accept what she's saying, but then again when did anyone ever take anything she said at face value?

_Emma did,_  a voice whispers in the back of her mind. She silences it.

"I'll be leaving now, since I am no longer welcome here." She poofs away and ends up in her room. There she sinks onto her bed and just looks up the ceiling. She remembers all too well searching fingers, wet slick heat, and a litany of moans. Of how it felt to be so connected to someone.

She closes her eyes as her arousal flares to life. What happened last night shouldn't have happened but somehow it had. And she knew it wasn't by her own magic. Body switches didn't just happen on a thought. A potion, maybe? She hadn't brewed one, and she couldn't imagine anyone slipping anything into her personal stash of cider.

So it had to be a spell. But who had cast it?

And why?

She had to talk more to Emma about this, so when she felt it would be reasonable to text her, she did, asking to meet in Granny's because she didn't trust herself to be alone around Emma. She could feel the pull to be next to her, to touch her again, to taste those lips and the nectar that dripped from her other pair.

She arrived at Granny's first and got a booth for them, nervously fiddling with her napkin as she sipped her coffee. Her head was pounding from all the cider she had consumed and she needed some sleep but she couldn't, not when the last time she had she had ended up in and on top of Emma. What if it happened again?

She closed her eyes and sighed in disappointment as she realized she'd sacrifice being a scruffy pirate for a couple of hours, if only she could redo the night with Emma. She wanted to really try that new angle. She was sure Emma would love it.

Emma slid into the booth a couple seconds later, shooting Regina an unsure smile. The former queen was pleased to find that Emma hadn't covered up the marks on her neck.

"You wanted to talk?"

"Yes. I went through the options of why this happened, and how it could have, and I regrettably have answers to neither, but, I  _am_  certain it must have been a spell cast on us."

"Given our limited amount of magic users here, it leaves us only with Gold. But why would he do this is us?"

"I don't know. To get his sick kicks in?" Regina shrugged. "The town has been quiet for a while, with no threats running around, and he does have it out for me."

"But why would having you sleep with me hurt you? Or be a punishment?" Emma let a smug grin fill her face. "Sleeping with me is an honor."

"Oh please, don't flatter yourself," Regina snipped. Internally, she wished it was an honor she had daily.

"So, a visit to Gold, is it?"

"After her majesty's had a visit to my sword," Hook practically growls as he storms in loudly, stopping by Emma, hook possessively placed over her shoulder, holding her down from getting up. His other hand curls onto the sword hidden under his cloak.

Emma shoots Regina a guilty look. "I'm sorry, I..."

"You told him," Regina sighs, finishes her coffee. She shouldn't be surprised. Emma wasn't the best of liars.

"He saw the marks on my neck." She points. "And he deserves to know. It was his body that got hi-jacked."

Ah, Emma ever the noble. Regina had been content in letting Hook stay in dark, in keeping the moment between her and Emma alone. It would have made it more special. Now it was just another filthy act; a travesty, a stain against Hook's and Emma's true love.

Regina shoots him a nasty glare letting her eyes drift down to his crotch. "I've already seen your sword and it's nothing impressive."

He grits his teeth so hard she's surprised they haven't cracked. "I'm not as inclined as Emma to let this incident be an 'accident'. It certainly reeks of magic."

"As long as it doesn't reek like you do," she shoots back and this time, Emma throws out a hand to bar Killian from taking another step.

"Don't antagonize him, please." Emma gives Regina a pleading look. "It's hard to deal with...an indiscretion in a relationship."

"He was the one who threatened me with his puny sword in the first place," Regina tosses her hair up. "I bet he can't even make you come properly."

She knows she shouldn't be rubbing this in his face but she might as well. It's going to be the only enjoyment she gets from what happened that night. His face twitches. "Wouldn't you like to know, your majesty. At least she came because she thought it was me."

Regina's eyes narrowed. Low blow.

His lips curled up and he stepped past Emma, striking his hook into the wood in front of Regina, leaning in to openly sneer at her face, voice low. "Don't think I don't know. A man always knows when someone is interested in his woman."

She doesn't let her gaze waver but on the inside she's shaken. How does he know? She made sure to mask her feelings well. Was she  _that_  obvious?

"Hey, no fighting in my diner," Granny shouts out from behind her counter. "I better not find any scratch marks on my tables, Jones!"

Hook leans back, thinking he has won this round. "Whatever happened, will not happen again."

Just to spite him, Regina hopes it will.


	3. Shapeless Nightmares that Dream of Lucid Plans

For once her voice is heard, and it happens again.

Good, because she wants it purely to spite Hook, and not because she loved it, craved it, needed Emma under her, touching and tasting with wild abandon.

It happens when she goes to bed at eight pm, feeling drained by the day's events. She needs an early night, needs to forget the mess her life has once again become.

She wakes up on a couch, arm slung around Emma's shoulders. She knows without looking down that she's Hook, because she can smell the stench of his cologne. How Emma can bare to be around it, she will always wonder.

The two of them are watching a movie, some horror flick. Regina turns her head to the side and is startled to see that Emma is already looking at her. She looks apologetic, brow furrowed up. "I'm sorry, Killian. For what happened. Really. But I truly didn't know. You need to stop accusing me of such things. You need to stop feeling pissed off. It...it was magic."

Regina doesn't know what to say, because even though she knows they were talking about such things before she invaded Hook's body for a second time, she has no clue what the line of conversation was. She settles on not saying anything.

This worries Emma who leans in and kisses him softly on the cheek. Regina jerks her head to the side in question but only gets a mouthful of Emma's soft pliant lips. She can't keep her eyes from slipping closed as Emma kisses her hard. "I love you, okay?"

Even though the words aren't directed at her, it makes Regina's heart swell and she lets her tongue snake out, lets it entwine with Emma's. Hands begin to wander to Regina's front before they grasp leather and push back. Emma blinks rapidly at Hook as if looking at him in a new light. "Regina?" she asks, confused.

Regina pauses, unsure what to say to this either. Did she confess to it? Or ignore it? Her silence speaks for itself because Emma sighs and pushes up from the couch, raking a hand through her hair. "I knew it was you, this time. You...kiss differently than Hook." She swallows, sighs. "Do you think this is a dream again?"

Regina decides to go with honesty this time. "No. I am still a bit disoriented," because body switching will always never not be unpleasant, "But I was hoping to end up like this again if only to piss Hook off."

Emma's face sours. "Really? You're behaving immaturely."

"He pissed me off," Regina grits behind her teeth.

"So this is how you get him back? By trying to use me?" Hurt flashes in Emma's eyes. She hates when others use her; she won't allow it. Regina realizes her mistake seconds later.

"Not like that." But it's too late for her weak explanations.

The pounding on Emma's door is unmistakable. She goes to answer it, and Regina must say it's a certainly interesting experience seeing herself there from someone else's eyes. She certainly looks attractive even with Hook occupying her body and making her form unladylike. Hook is wearing Regina's body and he looks distinctly uncomfortable in it. His legs are stationed far apart and his arms are crossed over her silk pajama top. "Hook?" Emma questions.

"Who else, love," Hook grunts out and Regina cringes. It sounds so...odd to have his words flavoring her tongue. "It seems I'm currently renting out her majesty's body."

"And you better not get a scratch on it," Regina gets up. "I've taken good care of my body and just because you treat your's like a garbage dump doesn't mean I want mine treated the same."

Hook snorts derisively and it's doubly offensive to Regina because how dare he use her own body and the art of being condescending she has perfected in it, against her. "Give me my body back and there should be no issue."

"I don't know how to give your body back; and trust me, I want to give it back as quickly as possible."

"Shouldn't you two have switched by now?" Emma asks, not able to tear her eyes off of Hook's womanly figure in those not at all concealing night wear.

"I'm not sure. Last time the body switch lasted longer before we were returned to our own bodies." And it had been more enjoyable. This one was looking to only be a hassle even if she had wanted it to spite Hook.

"Do you know how long Emma?" Hook asks, arching a brow and Emma flushes guiltily.

"Uh, no. I was kind of occupied." She squirms and looks away.

He 'hmmms' as this but says nothing more.

"I think it'd be safe to wait an hour or two. We should return to normal by then. Why don't you go and sleep?" Regina suggests in a rude tone meant to get him to leave.

"And leave you here with my girlfriend?" Hook snaps back.

"Your body does live here. Why stay here if you will end up in the right place as long as I sleep here? And besides, I want my body back to sleeping on Egyptian cotton bed, and not on the cheap wooden floor here."

"I think not. I won't allow you to get your hands on her, I won't leave you two alone. Last time that happened..."

"These are your hands you're talking of," Regina shoots him an amused smirk.

Emma raises her hands. "Please, no arguing. Regina and Hook, both of you stay."

"What?" erupts from both of their mouths.

"I think it's better if you both sleep over, so we can make sure no hanky panky occurs and so that we can discuss why this is occurring in the morning. Because it's happened again which means its deliberate and not some magical accident."

Emma's reasoning makes sense.

"I suppose I can sleep here, let my back be broken by your cheap couch. Hook can take your bed."

"Oh no, how generous, but I think I want you to sleep on the bed," Hook says deviously. Regina stares him down; they're both trying to do the same thing. Get whoever's body they're borrowing to have a sore back from awful sleeping conditions the next morning.

While lightening flashes from both their eyes due to the tension between them, Emma dutifully gathers some blankets and pillows from her spare closet and settles herself down on the couch. "I'll take the couch. The both of you can take the bed."

"WHAT?!" Hook and Regina shout out.

* * *

"You're sleeping on the floor," Regina insists after they stare the bed down like it's some instrument of pain before she lays down on the hard ground.

"Like hell I will!" Hook cries, grabbing Regina by the arm and attempting to haul her up. But Regina's heavier and stronger in this body. She pushes him away and he lands on his ass, hard. Regina regrets that and hopes her ass won't be sore tomorrow. "Your body is staying put on the ground and that's final!"

"Well, if you're going to sleep on the floor than so will I!" He resolutely lays down on the floor, arms stubbornly crossed over his chest.

"You will not do that in my body!"

"Too bad. Already doing it."

"Get up now, and park your ass on that bed!" Regina sat up and pointed at the bed with her hook.

"No."

"Do it, or I will make you!"

"I dare you too," Hook hisses and that is it. Regina gets up and begins to try to pull him up but he goes limp and heavy, making it harder for her to do anything. And she's too afraid to use her hook because she doesn't want to rip her expensive night wear, or stab her body accidentally.

"I swear, if you do not cooperate with me, I will chop your knob off."

That gets his attention. His eyes widen and he sits up so fast that he headbutts Regina's crotch by accident.

She lets out a gasp and drops hard to her knees. Holy fuck, did this hurt. Her hand goes to cup her hurt jewels. "Don't you dare cut them off! If you do that...I'll...I'll chop your tits off!"

"You already hurt your own nuts, you idiot," Regina grits out in a whisper.

"If two don't stop it in there, I will be forced to strap you to the bed!" Emma calls out through the closed door because she is tired of hearing their bickering.

"Then tell her to stop!" Hook childishly points at Regina who is breathing slowly to help with the sharp pain in her crotch.

"Tell him to stop first!"

"You're the one being insufferable. Just go to bed."

"I was trying to, on the floor, but you wouldn't fucking let me!"

"Because you need to sleep on the bed!"

"No, you do!"

"Oh my god!" Emma shouted out. "That's it, I'm coming in."

They scrambled up from the floor like two kids whose mother had caught them in illicit activities and was coming to give them the ass whopping of a century.

Ten minutes later, along with a severe scolding, the two of them found themselves staring up at the ceiling from the bed where they lay side by side, a foot of space between them. It wasn't enough space in Regina's opinion.

Hook and Regina were magically bound to the bed not able to move so much as an inch. If Regina was back in her body she could have used her magic to free herself. But Hook's in her body and the bloody pirate is useless when it comes to operating with magic.

He clearly makes a vain attempt but only succeeds in making Emma's bedroom turn into a jungle. Ferns sprout out of her floor, vines criss cross over the ceiling and some Tucan's fly past them, settling on the branches of the tree her nightstand has become.

"Brilliant," Regina praises.

"Oh stuff it," he growls out. He closes his eyes in an attempt to go to sleep and Regina sighs and decides to do the same because clearly nothing more can be done. She drifts off to the sound of birds chirping, and dreams of waking back up in her body.

Morning comes and she wakes up, blinking rapidly to clear her eyes. She's on the same side of the bed she went to sleep on and when she looks down she sees the same flat chest and leather bound body of the pirate. She lets her head hit the back of the pillows and stifles a groan. "Unbelievable." She's still stuck in Hook's body. This is slowly shaping up to be a nightmare.

On her left Hook lets out a frustrated scream. "For fucks sake man!"

"Good morning to you too," she says dryly as Emma storms into the room, the scream attracting her. She looks bleary from sleep and her hair is sticking up in angles. It's adorable. "What happened?" She thinks they were being attacked, given her amusingly sloppy attempt at a karate pose.

"Could you free us, Ms. Swan?" Regina asks, body stiff and pained from being held in one position all night long.

Emma's face drops. "So you guys still haven't turned back."

"No," Hook grits out. "Tell your witch to revert the spell!"

"I didn't cast it!" Regina hisses and glares at him.

"We're going to go to Gold, Hook. He'll know what to do." Emma says this in a calm tone, hoping to stop her boyfriend's anger spurt.

"Great. From the snake to the crocodile. Like we can trust him," he says bitterly, sitting up after Emma waves her hand and gets rid of the spell. He winces at the stiffness of his body. Regina sits up and stretches out her body, letting her neck crack pleasantly. She too is stiff but she won't be acting like a baby about it.

"It's the only option we have, unless you have any better ideas," Emma says, hands on hip as she glares Hook down.

Hook frowns. "Fine, Gold it is."

Argument done, Emma looks around her room for the first time and notices the fauna and flora there. "Wait, why is my bedroom a rain forest?" A bird lands on her shoulder and squawks in her ear.

"Ask Hook," Regina says as she breezes past to go to the bathroom to freshen up.

Emma looks at Hook who shrugs. "Wonky magic."

* * *

When they get to Gold, he merely arches a brow at them, trying hard to hide his smirk at their bickering as they walk in.

"Could you two stop? Even if just for a moment! My head is about to split here," Emma reprimanded, hands rubbing her temples. Honestly, they're worse than kids.

"You two used to argue like this all the time," Hook points out. "So why can't I argue like you did with her?"

Emma twists her lips up and this finally shuts up her complaints.

"Having a bad day, Sheriff? I can assure you, whatever you are going to accuse me off, I did not do." Gold preemptively says.

"So you didn't curse Hook and Regina into a body switch?"

"Hardly. Why would I?" He doesn't look startled by the information. Maybe such magic isn't anything new to him, but it certainly is to Emma and Hook.

"Because you hate me," Hook and Regina said at the same time, causing them to glare at each other.

"Let me speak," hissed Regina. "You're only going to ruin things by opening your mouth."

"It's your mouth you are insulting right now," he pointed out and she rolled her eyes so hard she thought she might lose them in the back of her head.

"Is that going to be your comeback each time I insult you?"

"It worked, didn't it?"

She thinned her lips and crossed her arms over her chest while Emma sighed next to them, rubbing her head again. Gold let out a chuckle. "I see. They truly have changed bodies. How did this occur?"

"Oh, don't act like you don't know!" Hook slapped his hands onto the counter. "You did this!"

"I didn't," he said seriously. "You can check my shop if you want, but you won't find any traces of magic like that here."

"Emma?" Regina looked on expectantly at the blonde who closed her eyes and did a brief reading on the magic currents in the air.

"He's telling...the truth," she admitted, opening her eyes. "Though it would be better if you could check, Regina. My magic abilities aren't as good as yours."

Regina shook her head. "Hook has my powers now and I'd rather he not do it. Knowing him, he'd blow us all up."

Hook shot her a nasty glare but said nothing. Probably because he knew it was very well true.

"So we'll have to trust you Emma, despite your unreliability."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Emma said sarcastically.

"This magic is something ancient," Gold commented, doing his own scan on them while they were occupied in arguing. "Something that predates me. I'm not certain what type of ancient magic, however. It would require further research."

"Great. Emma, what did you touch?" Regina sighed heavily. Ancient magic wasn't good. It was dangerous and unpredictable and most often than not twisted the user's wishes and wants into something dark and malignant, or it misinterpreted the wish entirely.

"I really didn't touch anything!" Emma threw her hands out. "Why do you assume  _I_  did something wrong!"

"Because you usually do."

"Really, Killian? You too?"

"Sorry, love," Hook frowned. "But you know you have the tendency to uh, mess things up because you don't know about fairy tale do's and don't's. So it's possible you touched something and didn't know it was magical and did this."

She squared her jaw, not looking happy at all. "I didn't touch anything, or do anything."

"Perhaps not the day of but the day before? Or somewhere in the week prior?" Regina suggested.

"No, I would remember if I touched something magical. The town's been quiet, so I had no need to use my powers or to fight some foes. I've been doing human stuff, mainly." Emma explained but she knew they didn't truly believe her. She supposed that was fine because they had to consider everything when it came to solving this mystery. She just wished they showed more confidence in her. She was the Savior after all.

"Okay, if it wasn't Emma who messed with some magic, then who did?" Regina turned to Gold.

"I need to know more than what you have given me. When did this first happen?"

"Two nights ago. When I went to sleep I woke up in Hook's body though I thought at first it was but a dream. That time we were able to switch back. And then when we both went to sleep again, we switched bodies once more, but this time we remained trapped in the wrong forms," Regina explained quickly and impatiently.

Gold rubbed his chin. "Hmm, very strange indeed. Why did you switch back the first night and not the second one?"

Regina and Emma exchanged looks. Did they tell him?

Hook didn't have any qualms like that. "They slept together that first night, thinking that Regina was me. The second night it didn't happen." Hook said this angrily, face tight and disgust in every inch of his body.

Gold let out a rich laugh. "Oh, this is just too much."

"Do you know how to fix this or not?" Emma was losing patience for the imp's laughter.

"It's obvious. You already know how to fix it."

Regina felt a cold chill go down her back. She knew.

"NO!" Hook roared, also drawing to the unsavory conclusion and beating his palms on the counter and glaring down Gold evilly. "You're lying!"

"Why would I? The evidence speaks for itself. The first night you slept together and returned to your correct bodies. The second night you didn't and remain trapped." He spread his hands out, that damning grin still on his face.

Emma looked on at Regina and the brunette felt like squirming uncomfortably, eyes not meeting hers.

Gold noticed the look."You don't have to sleep with Regina if you don't want to. Hook, your true love, is after all an option too. Either one will revert the spell."

Now Emma looked over at Hook, indecisiveness on her face. "Uh, I...I don't know. Wouldn't it be weird to sleep with Hook if he's in Regina's body?"

Regina tried to stop those words from making her chest ache. Why would Emma want to be with her? She was evil, she had hurt many people, and even ruined Emma's childhood. Just because Emma had looked past that and decided to be friends with Regina didn't mean it would lead to more. Regina had to stop hoping. But it was hard to, when she had spent such an incredible night with Emma, even if the conditions had been less than savory.

"Don't tell me you want to sleep with Regina again!" Hook whirled on Emma and smoke was curling up from his hands. His magic was getting out of control.

"That's also weird!" Emma defended, panicked. "Just calm down. Your magic is going haywire."

Hook looked down at his hands and let his fingers curl on each other, taking deep calming breaths. "We need to discuss this." He said through gritted teeth.

"Of course," Emma said softly, wrapping a reassuring arm around his bicep. They exchanged a loving look that had Regina look away. Just how many times had she desired Emma to look at her like that. And now when she did, it was only because somewhere underneath Regina's tan skin, lay Hook.

They left the store, but Regina lingered behind, needing some space from their  _barf educing love,_ and also because she had questions. "This is only a temporary solution, isn't it?"

"I can only make an educated guess, but since sleeping together didn't render the effects of the body switch incapable of happening again, then even if you sleep together a second time, it will keep happening."

"Then how can we stop it once and for all?"

"I think you know what happened. Remember, this is an ancient magic."

"That doesn't help me!" Regina spat out, irritated with his riddles. But what had she been expecting? This was Rumple after all.

"Look up and not down."

What did that even mean? Was he making fun of how she tended to look down on people? Did he want her to trust people more, to think better of them? "What does that even mean?"

"That's all I can tell you for free. If you want more, it will cost you."

Grimacing, Regina span on her heel. She knew better than to make another deal with him.

She had a temporary solution; but it was one that probably wouldn't be used. There was no way she could sleep with Emma again, and there was no way that Hook would allow her to do it. And it was a near guarantee that he wouldn't do it while in Regina's body either.

So technically, she was stuck in Hook's body until the conceivable future.

Great. Just what every girl dreamed of.


	4. Countdown

Hook, Emma, and Regina decided to head over to Granny's to regroup and talk about what to do with their current predicament. Why that locale? It seemed every important decision was made in Granny's. And, Emma was hungry.

"What do you think you're doing?" Regina asked gruffly as she grabbed Hook just as he had been about to slide into the booth next to Emma.

"Sitting down?" he arched a brow at Regina, swatting away her hook.

"Did you forget whose body you're wearing? It'll look suspicious in public if you're sitting so close to the savior, not to mention, if you're draping yourself all over her as you so do when the two of you are together."

Hook scowled at Regina, but he knew the woman had a point. "Fine." He sat in the seat facing Emma, Regina taking his place. Then, with a cocky smirk, she draped her arm around Emma's shoulders.

"And who gave you permission to do that!" Hook hissed out at her, dark eyes blazing.

"I have to sell the act, or else it would look weird if I didn't suffocate her with my presence."

"And since when am I your property, that someone else has to ask for permission to touch me? What's next? Will they have to ask to be able to sit next to me, even?" Emma growled out angrily, Regina tightening her hold on Emma, and Hook became flustered at that.

"I didn't mean it that way, love. I just...uh, don't...never mind," he trailed off realizing there wasn't a way to win this argument. He slouched down into his seat.

"Don't slouch," Regina snapped out. "I don't want bad posture!"

He rolled his eyes at her. "That's the least of your worries right now."

"What do you mean by that?" She cut out impatiently.

"I...well," he squirmed in his seat, looking embarrassed by his next declaration. "I'm not quite sure how the female body...goes."

Regina arched a brow in question. He sighed out, looked out the window, crossed his arms over his chest. It was odd to see Regina's body so discomforted. Emma found it adorable while Regina despised it. How dare Hook make her look weak like that.

"Spit it out." She prompted unkindly.

He glared at her, and then loudly, "I haven't even peed!"

Why was this a big deal? Did he need someone to hold his hand while he went to the potty? "Then go. I don't want a bladder infection."

Hook seemed even more uncomfortable at that suggestion. "Just because I'm a pirate doesn't mean I'm a scoundrel. I respect women's bodies."

Regina gave him a blank look. "..."

Emma did too. "..."

Hook scoffed in an effort to maintain some dignity. "Okay fine, I don't know how to really do it. Do I just squat or...?"

Regina sighed out heavily. Really, what was hard? Peeing for a girl was easy. Just pull down your pants and go. She'd had a harder time wrangling with his...snake downstairs. It was like it had a mind of its own and it took her several attempts to do it, but she did it. All without looking of course. There was no way she was looking at Hook's dick.

She placed her hands on her desk to push herself up. "Fine, I'll help.

Emma beat her to it. "No, I will. You're not in the right body. It'll look weird if you go in with Hook." She aimed this at Regina who reluctantly had to agree. She didn't have to like the suggestion, however. She didn't want Emma in there with him.

"Great, now I'm bared from my own body." She sighed lightly; there was no point in arguing this. "Fine, just make sure he doesn't do anything weird with my body, will you."

"I will," Emma promised.

"I won't," Hook got up. "Do anything weird," he tacked on when he saw Regina's murderous look at the misinterpretation of his statement.

Then the two of them left. Ruby came around, pad and pen in hand. "Hey, are you guys ready to order?"

"Does it look like it?" Regina snapped out, taking some of her frustrations at this whole body switch out at the waitress. "Two of us are in the bathroom. You couldn't have picked a worse time. What a great waitress you are."

Regina had forgotten she was in Hook's body, so Ruby was really hurt by his tones. "Uh, is everything okay, Hook?" The man normally didn't behave like this. He might be a villain but he wasn't the snappy sort, more like the run you through with his sword sort. Snappy remarks and biting words were Regina's thing.

"Sure," Regina huffed out, cursing her own mouth for being so sharp sometimes. "Just come back later," she said, hoping that her more pleasant tone would make up for her rudeness earlier.

Ruby nodded her head tersely and went off.

Meanwhile, Hook and Emma were having an adventure of their own in the public bathroom.

"Okay, I've peed," Hook called out from behind the closed bathroom stall like a five year old seeking approval for using the potty successfully for the first time. "Now what? Do I shake it off?"

"What? No, you wipe it," Emma corrected.

"Well, I wouldn't know. You don't wipe a dick you know. You just shake it off."

"Didn't need to know that," Emma called back.

"I didn't want to know either about female hygiene, but here I bloody am. Are you going to help me?"

"I already did. I explained to you how to pee."

"No, I meant are you going to help me wipe?"

Emma stared at the door for a good couple seconds. "Oh, you're being serious," she said at last, before a 'What!' burst from her lips. "I can't do that. You have to do it."

"Well I don't want to do it! I don't want to touch the majesty's uh, down there!"

"And you expect me to do it?" Emma shouted out incredulously.

"Don't girls do this sort of thing with one another?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

"You always take so bloody long in the bathroom!"

"That's not the reason why. We just like to go in and talk. And put on makeup."

"...so you're really not going to help me?"

"No!" Emma threw out her hands in exasperation. "It's not that big of a deal!"

There was silence before, "why is this so wet?"

Emma felt something was very, very off about that statement. "Hook, what are you using to wipe?"

"My hand," he casually said.

"Oh my god, no! You use the paper in the stall! Why would you use your hand!"

"Because guys don't use paper, and because I'm a bloody pirate from a time period when personal hygiene was nonexistent!"

"That's it, I'm coming in," Emma barged into the stall and went to help Hook.

They came out ten minutes later, with Emma trailing Regina and fixing her skirt to make sure she was well put together. Ruby just so happened to come into the bathroom at that moment and her eyes went wide at the suspicious sight of them exiting the stall together.

"Make sure to wash that hand nice and good, given where it's been recently," Emma instructed as Hook washed his hands. "Oh, hi Ruby," Emma noticed the slightly shell shocked looking girl. The brunette was coming to various conclusions in her head-the way Hook was angry, and the way the two women had come out of the same stall, with Emma fixing Regina's skirt and that comment about Regina washing her hands...

She beamed at them. It was about time that Regina and Emma saw what was in front of them. "Congrats," she whispered to them and left it at that, because it didn't seem like they were ready to come out clean about their secret relationship.

Emma stared at Ruby's retreating back. Huh, what a weird comment.

When they left the bathroom they saw a grumpy looking Hook sitting in the booth. "So? Body intact?"

"Yes," Emma nodded her head and then under her breath, "just don't shake hands and you'll be fine."

Regina didn't catch that comment and decided not to pursue it. They had more important things to discuss. "Now that that issue has been taken care of, let's talk about the real issue. Gold told us the only way to switch bodies would be to sleep together again. But, he divulged to me after you left, that the solution would merely be a temporary one."

"What?" Emma hissed out, shocked.

"So even if we were to do it, it wouldn't matter in the long run."

"Exactly," Regina nodded her head at Hook's deduction. "That's why we need to look for another solution. I'll take it upon myself to research what this ancient magic is and develop a solution to it. It most likely will be magical, which means that Emma, you and Hook will have to work on your magic because I can no longer cast any spells."

"But I'm not that great at magic, and I'm even less great at being a teacher," she protested.

"You have no choice. Besides, I'm counting on the sheer magical power in my body to compensate for that."

"And how long will this take?" Hook inquired.

"I'm not sure. It could take anywhere from days to weeks to months," Regina admitted.

Hook grit his teeth at the news. "I'm not happy here either," Regina said. "Even less happy at you. Look at the horrid state of this body," she added, sniffing under her arms. "Have you never heard of a tub?"

He didn't say anything to that. "And what do we do in the meantime that you look for the cure?"

"We go on and act as normal. Which means I stay by Emma's side, and sleep at your place."

"Not happening," Hook leaned in, baring Regina's perfect teeth.

"I'm the one making sacrifices here. Ms. Swan snores, and her bed is nowhere near as comfortable as mine. Really, I'm doing myself a disservice so that you can sleep on a nicer bed."

"I'm not letting you sleep with Emma."

"Too late for that. It already happened once," Regina said smugly.

A pure growl came from Hook's chest and he slapped his hands onto the table, transforming the napkin holder there into a cat as his magic spun out of control.

"For today, will you be having..." Ruby, who had been on her way to take their order, froze at the sight of the cat. "Cat!" she screamed out. The cat screeched at her and then ran out, Ruby chasing after it as the inner wolf in her overtook her.

The trio barely noticed this.

"And it will be the last time it happens," Hook promised.

"Can we please not get into this again?" Emma rubbed her temples.

"I already got into you once-"

Hook didn't let Regina finish her smug statement because he was leaping across the table, fists flying. He caught Regina in the eye and she was flung back into her seat, while Emma was up, and pushing and holding Hook back.

"Calm down. Calm down!" she hissed.

"Is there something the matter here?" Granny asked, coming up to them with hands on her hips.

"I've got it under control," Emma grunted out, finally shoving Hook back into the booth violently. He crossed his arms over his chest but said nothing, tightening his jaw.

"Good," Granny sniffed, nodding her head. Then she went back in the kitchen, wondering where her granddaughter was.

Regina didn't even blink at Hook punching her, relishing the pain and hoping it would form a bruise on the pirate's face. "Regina, stop antagonizing him. It's not going to help in the long run."

Regina wanted to make him suffer, for all the suffering he caused her. Each time she saw his hand around Emma's shoulders, or his lips on hers, it felt like Regina's heart was being dipped in battery acid. She hated the sensation.

She wanted him to feel the same, even if for a little bit. Now was her chance to do so, and to indulge in some time with Emma. "He needs to get used to this. If we are to keep this whole mishap a secret from the public than we need to go about as we normally do. Which means me pretending to date Emma, and Hook pretending to be mayor."

"Regina's right, Hook," Emma nodded her head. "I don't like it any better but it makes sense to do so."

He worked his jaw, looking angrily on from Emma to his own body. "There need to be some ground rules."

"That's reasonable," Emma conceded. "What are they?"

"Only hand holding and hugging in public; once indoors or behind closed doors, it stops."

"Okay, only light PDA," Emma nodded along.

"But if we don't kiss, people might question it," Regina pushed. "They might think we're merely friends. After all, you usually display a lot of PDA on the regular, it would seem strange for it to just tone down all of a sudden."

She knew she had Hook there when his lips twisted up disdainfully. "Only kissing for...three seconds," he conceded at last and it looked like it had taken him a lot to say that. "And no sleeping in the same bed."

Emma held out her hands. "There won't be an issue with that. There will be no hanky panky after hours. The first and last time was a fluke because I thought she was you. I'll be on the couch." Her face was serious as she swore this.

Hook nodded his head, not happy but willing to go along with it for now. "Good."

"I also have some ground rules," Regina spoke up. "No trash food-you are only to eat the healthy foods in my house. Secondly, no alcohol of any kind. I don't want you giving me liver poisoning. Thirdly, keep the house neat-"

"We don't have all day here, just make a list for him," Emma interrupted.

"I haven't even gotten to the rules on him taking my job as mayor!"

"Later," Emma stressed. "What about Henry?"

"You'll take him of course. I don't trust the pirate to take care of my son. Or to do a good enough job pretending to be me to get away with living with Henry. If he's at your place Emma than I can keep a closer eye on him."

"You don't think he'll see through us?" she indicated to herself and Regina.

The woman shrugged. "Less likely to happen with us than with him," she said disdainfully, eyeing Hook who was slouching in the booth again. "Sit up straight," she chastised.

"No," Hook childishly said and slouched down more.

Emma shook her head. This wasn't going to go well. She could tell already. She just prayed they wouldn't blow up the town by accident because of all of this.


	5. Destruction

Emma spoke too soon. Regina's and Hook's antics hadn't blown up the town, but they had come close, leading it to mutual destruction.

A  _lot_  of mutual destruction.

"How did this even happen?" Emma sighed in distress, planting her face in her hand, and shaking her head.

"It was all his fault!"

"It was all her fault," Hook and Regina accused at the same time, pointing at each other.

The day had started off normally, or as normally as it could for two body switched people. Regina had left an extensive list of rules for Hook to follow regarding treatment of the body he was in, of the house he was using, and of his role as Mayor. He had no idea how to work the political sphere so Regina suggested he work from her home office where she could come by and help him with the documentation. And where most importantly, no one could see him.

And he had also laid ground rules for how Regina could act around his girlfriend, and his ship, his two most prized possessions. Basically, hands off as often as plausible.

"Okay, everyone set?" Emma asked. She was helping negotiate the deal between them because knowing the two of them, they would get into a big fight if she wasn't here.

"I suppose," Regina sniffed, eyeing Hook distrustfully. "We'll see how well Hook conducts himself."

"Don't worry, your majesty," he jeered. "It seems you are intent on keeping me caged up in your mansion."

"I don't see why that's an issue. Saves us all the problem of having to see your ugly mug."

Hook pointed a finger at his face. "Everything you say about me now, just insults you."

Regina sighed. Even insulting Hook wasn't any fun now because the usual insults just ended up hurting Regina's own visage. "Just don't destroy anything in the house. I'm going to go do the obligatory drunken morning stroll you do to keep up character and then I'm going to the library to study up on ancient magic."

"So I'm really expected to do nothing?"

Why was Hook whining about that? "Isn't that what you normally do?"

"I actually do stuff-"

"Drinking and committing acts of drunken altercations do not count as work," Regina snapped back.

Hook crossed his arms over his chest and accidentally set the table on fire.

"Hook! Reign in your powers!" Emma cried out, waving her hand and extinguishing the conflagration.

"Then tell your witch to shut her cursed mouth." His eyes were dark and Emma looked from him to Regina and shook her head in defeat. "Bye Hook, we're leaving." She grabbed Regina by the upper arm before the woman could retaliate and tugged her out of the house towards her Bug.

"I am not getting into that." Regina dug her heels in.

"You have no other choice."

"You could teleport me," Regina offered. Normally she would have used her own magic but she didn't have any this time.

"Regina, please, can you just make this easier on me?" Emma rubbed her temples. "I have work to do and I don't need two migraines running around and making things harder on me."

Regina grit her jaw but decided to go with it. "Fine." She jerked the passenger side door open angrily. They drove in silence, Emma dropping off Regina at the pirate's ship. "See ya later," the blonde woman leaned in and pecked Regina on the lips. The both of them froze, Emma staring like a deer in headlights before she slowly pulled back. "Sorry, force of habit."

"Ah," Regina let out, getting out of the car and walking off. Her lips tingled where Emma had touched them.

The pirate's ship bobbed in the waves and she got in, wrinkling her nose up at the smell. She most definitely did not miss this ship. It carried bad memories for her. Memories of almost losing Henry. And of actually losing Emma to Hook's charms.

Regina closed her eyes to try and block out those memories before snatching up a bottle of rum. She had to make her act convincing. Then she got to drunkenly walking the streets, pretending to take swigs of her drink. In this manner she greeted town folk and made her way to the library where she could take out some books.

Hook on the other hand, was entirely bored. He had already walked the whole length of the mansion and found himself lacking anything to do. Regina had been strict about him not touching anything because she was afraid his pirate germs would get on it. But he was clean! Most of the time. Which was way more than most men in his crew.

He made his third circle around the foyer, eyeing the liquor cabinet. Those decanters of cider looked like really good entertainment right now. Without another qualm or thought about Regina's ire should she find out, he grabbed one and popped the cork off, letting the apple scent waft up to him.

And then he proceeded to drink three bottles worth. He found himself having immensely more fun. His hands trailed over cabinets and drawers filled with Regina's clothing.  _Let's see what expenses the woman has in here_. The Queen did take great pride in looking good. He went through half her closet before he registered someone ringing the doorbell impatiently.

He went down the stairs, opening the door to Emma's shocked face.

"What are you doing here?" Hook asked coyly, leaning against the door frame because his head was spinning.

"I..um, I'm-what, what are you wearing?" Emma's face was flushed and she wasn't looking into Hook's eyes.

"Oh, this?" Hook looked down at one of the outfits he had been trying on. It was a corset with a matching pair of lingerie and a sheer negligee to go over it all. "I don't know what it's called per say. But I didn't know her majesty had such risque things in her closet."

Emma jerked herself free from whatever spell it was she was under, forcing her eyes up from Regina's bust-line. "Regina is going to be so pissed! You have to put all her stuff back."

"But I have nothing to do," Hook pouted and watched as Emma's strictness wavered. Regina with a pout-deadly. Emma couldn't yell at her now.

"Hook, no. Come on, I'll help you clean up. I came by to ask if you wanted anything from Granny's."

"I want you..." he sloppily wrapped his arms around her and she shrugged him off.

"How much did you drink?"

"Not a lot," he shrugged only for Emma to suck in a hiss of air once they reached Regina's bedroom. "You drank all of her good cider!" Emma glanced down at the six empty bottles. "She's really going to kill you now! What happened to the list she gave you?"

Huh, Hook had sworn it had only been three last he remembered. "I don't recall reading that on the list."

"It was one of the first rules!" Emma hunted around the mess of the room and found the foot long scroll all soggy. "Why is this wet?" she held it in a pincer grip, wrinkling her nose up in distaste.

"I spilled some cider so I used the paper to clean it up." He flopped down onto the bed, doing a snow angel on top of all the outfits he had dumped out.

Emma shook her head. Just great. Leave Hook alone for three hours and this was what he did. She wondered if Regina was faring any better. She hoped for both their sakes she was.

"Emma, come here," Hook waved a hand in the air to summon the sheriff and Emma came closer only to be pulled down on top of Hook.

"What are you doing?" Emma asked as she hovered on all fours over Regina's body.

"I haven't seen you in so long. Haven't been able to kiss you in so long..." he drawled drunkenly and then leaned up and kissed Emma. The kiss was hard and sloppy and not like Regina at all. It felt wrong for her body to kiss this way. Emma always imagined the kisses would be softer, teasing. Not kissing to prove something.

It took a while for Emma's brain to think that however, because it was still Regina's lips on hers, even if it technically wasn't. And how long had she stared at those lips and thought  _just once_...

She freed herself from Hook's clumsy grip and moved away from his grasp.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, sitting up with some difficulty.

"I can't do this, Hook. I won't sleep with you."

"But you slept with her!"

"I didn't know it was her. I thought it was you," Emma explained, wincing in guilt.

"And now you know it's me in here, so why won't you let me sleep with you and get my original body back?"

Emma shook her head, not having the words to explain her reasoning to him without pissing him off. She simply didn't want Regina if it wasn't Regina behind those chocolate eyes. She didn't dare to sleep with her friend when she didn't consent to it. No matter how enticing she was in that get up.

"Get some rest Hook. I'll bring you some food to help sober you up." Then Emma left in a poof of smoke, Hook cursing under his breath.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, it was hard to get books rented out to you when you were an alcoholic pirate with a strong hatred for books. "No Hook," Belle said sternly. "I won't let you take books out because last time I did you lost them at sea. And before that you got them stolen when some pirates raided your ship. And the time before that you used them as fuel to make a fire on a deserted island."

"Uh...those were accidents love," Regina tried to throw on Hook's most charming smile, the one that she'd seen Emma go gooey eyed at. But it didn't work on Belle. Librarians sure were tough shit.

"No, Hook. Either you read them in here or you leave empty handed."

This was not going as planned, but what else could Regina do. If she had her magic she'd simply smuggle them out of here. She dearly missed her body now. This pirate was bloody useless!

She skulked off to roam through the aisles, pulling out any book that so much had an inkling to do with her topic and then set down the gigantic pile next to a desk and began flipping through the books. That was hard to do quickly when one hand was a hook that kept getting caught on the pages. She ended up ripping one page, the tearing noises echoing through the library chambers like a gun shot.

Like a blood hound to the hunt, Belle's head perked up from where she was looking some book over behind her desk. "Did you just rip a book? A priceless ancient book?" she accused.

Regina felt a bead of sweat roll down her forehead. "No," she said rather unconvincingly.

Belle glared her down, promises of pain in her eyes. "Hmmm, I hope not. You're treading in deep water Hook," then turned back to her own reading.

Regina let out a shaky sigh and began to read the texts more carefully.

* * *

"Hook? Hook?" Emma knocked on the bedroom door where she had last left her boyfriend, tray of food in her hand. When there was no response she walked in, finding the place empty. That couldn't be good. A quick survey of the whole mansion let Emma in on the fact that he wasn't inside at all. So that only meant he had left the premise.

"Great, now I have to hunt down a drunk body switched pirate witch."

That was surprisingly hard to do given how small this town was. You would think residents would have noticed a drunk former queen stumbling around in little to no clothes. But as it was, Emma only found Hook two hours later and in a tattoo parlor of all places.

"Oh god, Regina is going to kill you, her body or not. And she's going to  _slaughter me_ for letting this happen," Emma moaned out as she slapped her hands to her face.

"So I'm guessing you don't like the tattoo?" Hook asked, lowering his shirt over the tramp stamp he had gotten. It was still fresh and it said  **Emma's Bitch**  in bold black letters.

"Fuck me..." Emma didn't know any spells to keep this covered. Regina would see and be furious.

"I've been trying to," Hook whined, "but you won't let me."

"Uh, I don't wanna get involved in this lovers quarrel so I'm going to go now," the tattoo artist said and moved on.

"It's not a lovers quarrel!" Emma shouted out after him. She needed to take Hook home and  _now_  before he made things worse. She swung an arm around his shoulders and he leaned heavily against her as they walked their way back. Emma would have normally teleported but she didn't want to risk taking a drunk Hook on the journey. What if something happened to him during it? Drunk teleportation was bad.

Finally done with some research, Regina left the library, notes in her pocket. It had been a somewhat productive session, though it would have been better if she had been able to take the books out. Stupid Hook and his inability to care for literature.

Just as she was walking down the street to her mansion, ready to make up the mayoral duties that Hook had shirked, she saw two familiar figures walking down the street. Her blood pressure instantly shot up through the roof. "Emma, what is the meaning of this?"

"Uh...surprise?" Emma chuckled weakly in the face of Regina's ire. There was just something so Regina about her anger that even wearing a different body it still frightened Emma; was still recognizable.

"Hey, guess what I got," Hook turned around and lifted up his shirt to show Regina his tramp stamp. "It's pretty nice. And so was the cider. I drank all of it." He dropped his shirt, turning back around and belching loudly. "That'll teach you to want to give me rules."

Regina's nostrils flared at this. "You drank all my cider? And got a tattoo? And walked around town inebriated so everyone could see?" The calm even tone was the worst. It meant Regina was so mad that it could not be expressed in words or volume or tone. "Excuse me a moment." In hurried steps she left.

Emma had a really bad feeling about this. Like, really bad.

And she wasn't wrong. When she made it to the town square with Hook, she noticed a new addition to the clock tower. Sticking out of it was Hook's ship, crashed right through it. How the hell Regina had accomplished that without any magic was beyond Emma. The blonde made note not to piss Regina off again.

"My ship. My beautiful ship!" Hook bemoaned, dropping to his knees. Regina approached them, a triumphant smirk on her face.

"How did you do that?"

"A true queen never reveals her secrets."

"Okay, well, don't do something like that again," Emma tried to come off as hard on the topic but really, she was begging.

"Oh, but it was okay for Hook to ruin and mar my body?"

"A little bit of magic can get rid of the tattoo," Emma appeased.

"And it can get rid of him too," Regina reminded unnecessarily.

"You are not getting rid of him," Emma said protectively. Even if he was a giant ass sometimes...okay, most of the times, didn't mean that he deserved to be offed.

Regina gave Emma a sharp glare but said nothing more on that.

"Wait, where's Hook?" She glanced wildly back and forth where it had been mere moments ago. She looked at Regina. "Did you-?"

"With  _what_  magic, Swan?" Regina rolled her eyes. "Do keep up."

"Right," Emma nibbled on her bottom lip. Regina currently didn't have any magic to get rid of him. But Hook did. Had he gotten rid of himself? There was no telling what he was doing in his drunken state. And now Emma would have to look for him again. Which given how it had gone last time, would take a good while.

A firetruck pulled around the corner, speeding down towards the nicer parts of town. Behind it was a police cruiser which slowed down as Emma waved at it. Her dad was behind the wheel. "David, what's going on?"

He rolled down the window so she could peer in. "A fire."

"Where?"

"108 Mifflin street."

Or maybe not as difficult this time.

Regina's back straightened while Emma leaned away from the window. "Hook," they both said in unison before ripping the car doors open and jumping into the cruiser. "Hit the gas dad!"

They got to the mansion only to see that Hook was currently dancing across the lit lawn where he had burned out in letters 'Regina Sucks'. The torch was still in his hand and the firefighters had parked the truck by the side of the street but they couldn't get any closer.

"Madam Mayor, can you please put down the torch?" one tried to coax Hook but he only moved closer to the mansion, torch in hand, threatening.

"Whelp, good thing is he hasn't burned down the house."

" _Yet_ ," Regina added bitterly. "Do something Swan, before I do."

"Calm down, I got this," Emma said but she didn't know if she got this. Hook was drunk and angry and he had fire. That was never a good combination. She approached him, trying to smile and not let her eyes tear up at the acrid smell of smoke. "Hook, uh, Madam Mayor," Emma hastily corrected, eyeing to see if anyone heard her slip up. Thankfully no one had, too busy with concern over the spreading fire. Emma got closer, carefully placing her feet on grass that wasn't burned yet. "Regina, can you put the torch down, and talk to me? Can we please discuss this?"

Hook's head snapped to Emma, betrayal glowing in his eyes. Seemed he wasn't over her brush off earlier. "Okay, I'll put the torch down." And then he threw the torch with all his might in through the open window.

Emma's eyes opened wide in panic. "No!" she stretched out a hand, willing water to come to it, to douse out the flames. She didn't expect to explode the firetruck and send the water there flying into the house.

The good thing was, the fires were out. All of them. The bad thing? Everything was soaking wet, including Regina who only crossed her arms over her chest and fumed at Emma. "I thought you 'got this'?"

Emma let out a dry laugh, afraid of the fury dancing in Hook's-Regina's-eyes. "Uh, I thought so too."

"I'm going to kill you right after I kill Hook. Speaking of that immense waste of human space, where is he?"

In the chaos he had disappeared again.

In retrospect, that was how the bad day had started. Hook would cause some sort of damage and Regina and Emma would chase after him. Emma to catch him before he could ruin the mayor's reputation further, and Regina because she was going to murder him.

"Maybe if I kill him, his dirty soul will vacate my body and I can enter if once more," Regina had said darkly after Hook had used Regina's body to streak across town. In retaliation she had thrown out all of his rum, pissed that he had no reputation to further demean so she couldn't actually shame him.

"Let's not go back into old killing habits," Emma had said sheepishly, worried for her friend. She was sooooo going to yell at Hook for this later. He was behaving childishly and totally irresponsibly.

"Some of you people make it really hard," Regina gave Emma a snide look.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Can't you talk to him and get it through his thick skull to leave me be? Why must he resort to trying to ruin me?"

Emma winced at that, guilty. "I'm sorry. I really am for his actions."

Regina didn't want Emma to feel bad for that sorry excuse of a man. "You don't have to be apologetic. But he will be." Her voice was low and gravelly with violence.

It was time to play dirty. Hit him where it would really hurt.

* * *

By the time they had found him, it was becoming afternoon. Or at least Emma guessed it was, because the clock tower had been ruined. He was stumbling about in the park, singing to himself some sea shanty, unaware of them.

"Killian!" Emma called out as they raced after him.

"Huh?" he turned around, a disoriented look on his face and that was when Regina struck.

She whipped Emma around by the elbow and into her, grasping her face between her hand and kissing her hard. Emma's startled lips didn't move at first, but as Regina pressed in, Emma slowly complied, unable to resist Regina's toe curling kisses. It was deep, sordid and definitely not a kiss that should be made in public. Emma moaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering shut. Regina kept her eyes open to see Hook's reaction.

The man was shaking, hands clenching open and closed, veins protruding on his forehead. "Get your dirty mouth off of her!" he screamed out and the trees around him began to bend back and forth, bark groaning.

Regina took her time in pulling away, wiping the bottom of Emma's lip free of saliva with her thumb. "It's your dirty mouth, or did you forget. If you want me to leave Emma alone, stop this foolishness and come back home."

"Oh, I'll show you foolishness!" He whipped out a phone and stabbed down a phone number. After three rings someone on the other end picked up. "Yes, hello, this is Mayor Mills. I want to donate all my money right now to the most nonsensical and stupid project the city has going on." A pause. "Oh, yes, Snow White's Bird House building initiative? That's perfect. Thank you." He hung up and Regina and Emma stared at him slack jawed. Emma more so still from the kiss, trying to get her bearings after the sizzling heat brought on by Regina's unannounced affections. And Regina was gaping open mouthed because he had just dared to donate all of her cash to Snow White's project! How would Regina ever live this down?! She didn't care she'd just lost her money, more aghast by the fact as to who it was going to.

"How dare you!" she hissed out, moving past a still frozen Emma and meeting Hook head to head. "I'm going to destroy you, you little man." She ripped off his hook from her own body and threw it somewhere into the small brook that passed by them in this park. "One piece at a time."

"Then I'll take you down with me!" he promised. "I'll rip apart all your expensive dresses!"

"Then I'll burn your leather jackets-every single one of them!" Leaves were swirling around them like some storm. One of them whipped past Regina's face so quickly it gave her a cut. She barely noticed it.

"Then I'll donate all your organs-!"

"I'll surrender your body to Rumple for a life of servitude!"

They were snarling at each other like feral animals, nostrils flared, murder writ into their body muscles.

Emma finally snapped out of her stupor and rushed towards them, only to be pushed back by the whirlwind of leaves whirling dangerously around them. "Killian! Regina! You need to stop! There's a tornado coming!" Both looked on to see Emma was right. Steadily creeping closer to them, it hovering ominously in the sky.

"This isn't good," Hook muttered out, his anger at Regina momentarily forgotten in light of the natural disaster about to occur.

"It's your magic that is causing this!" Regina pointed out. "You need to calm down now!"

"I can't! You've pissed me off too much, and I can't control my magic," he explained.

"Shit, we need to take shelter and now," Emma ordered as the leaves around them dropped. She pushed them hurriedly into a small flower shop. Hook tripped and fell into one of the flowers. A shower of rose petals covered Regina and Emma.

"What's going on?" The owner, Moe French, asked, coming to inspect the damage.

"Tornado," Emma said breathlessly and pointed out the window. The twister was getting closer and closer. Already it had ripped up giant chunks of land. "Shit, shit, shit. This is really bad. Hook, you need to stop this."

"I can't," he spat out a flower, getting back up. Moe eyed the mayor's unusual get up but said nothing more, going to quickly pull down some metal grates on his shop windows. The wind was rattling the whole building now. "I'm still too pissed off."

"Fuck!" Emma knew her own magic wasn't anywhere nearly as good to stop the storm. If she had Regina's combined to her's...they had even moved the moon together. A bolt of inspiration struck Emma. She grasped Hook's hands in her own. "I need you to concentrate on my magic and put yours with mine. We can stop this tornado, together."

"I don't know if I can-" Hook looked frightened.

"You have to," Regina added. "I won't have my town destroyed by you."

With no more discussion, Hook nodded his head grimly and closing his eyes he held his hands out to Emma. For a long time there was nothing but the increasingly hungry sounding sucking of air. The tornado was now two blocks from them, rafters and cars in it's angry grip. It was so dark and big, spreading out and covering everything it had consumed with it's thick winds.

But as Regina watched in concern, slowly by slowly the tornado seemed to shrink. "You got this," Emma encouraged Hook who was sweating profusely, teeth clenched in effort. First the winds lightened, and then they began to slow, until at last all traces were gone, dispersed like a morning mist. In it's aftermath lay torn down bricks, and signs. Some cars dropped from the sky, alarms blaring loudly.

Confused townsfolk came out to look at the damage, wondering how this had started and ended so quickly.

Hook dropped his hands from Emma's hold and fainted into her arms. She caught the petite body, cradling it to her chest. "Now, we can get him home," she said softly. They exited the store, surveying the damage, Emma having lifted Regina's body into her arms bridal style. "How did this even happen?" she bemoaned.

She was already thinking of all the paper work she would have to fill out and of all the repairs to be made.

"It was all his fault!"

"It was all her fault!"

Emma looked down to see Hook had already regained consciousness. "You are in for a  _lot_  of talking."

He gulped but only snuggled in closer to Emma. "Later. My head really hurts and I'm tired."

Regina looked on at the scene enviously. How many times had she wished to be carried like that by Emma? And now that she was, it was Hook enjoying it and not her. She swallowed down her jealousy and marched ahead to her mansion. There would a lot of clean up to be done, and now the mayor's office would have more shit to deal with. All thanks to that damn dirty pirate.

There was a loud groan to Regina's right as some heavy metal plating was moved over. A woman stood up from under it, dusting off her clothing, hair a frazzled red mess. "That wasn't the worst way to travel, I suppose." She made eye contact with Regina who felt like screaming. The red head just smiled. "Well, it looks like I'm not in Oz anymore."


	6. A Wicked Plan

 

"And why do we owe you a meal?" Emma asked with a tired breath. She, Regina, Hook, and Zelena were sitting in Granny's diner. All the patrons were giving the witch from Oz an ugly look given what she had done to their town. She ignored that fact, instead almost seemingly flattered by the attention.

"Because you ripped me out of my world, quite rudely, and dumped me here, quite rudely," the woman said, slurping her coffee, quite rudely.

"That wasn't our intention. It was an accident."

"Exactly, therefore you should buy me some food to appease me and my oncoming wrath." She arched a smug brow. She looked entirely too relaxed to burst into rampage but this was Zelena who they were talking about, so...

Emma didn't want more potential disasters so she nodded her head along with the con scheme. "Fine."

"We need to get you back home quickly," Regina spoke, less worried about  _potential_  disasters occurring and knowing they  _would_  if Zelena stayed.

"Why? I figured if I'm here I might as well enjoy my vacation and the shenanigans going on." She took a stab at her eggs.

Regina and Emma exchanged a look; Emma's was born more of confusion, Regina's was more like, 'sheriff you deal with this'. "What shenanigans?" the sheriff asked, acquiescing to Regina's silent order.

"Oh, you know which ones. Tell me dear sister, how does it feel being stuck in a man's body? Quite cocky, I assume?" she snorted at her own pun.

How did-how did Zelena know? "I have no idea what you're talking about," Regina feigned ignorance and calm. "Everything is fine."

"You're smarter than this- don't play dumb, Regina," Zelena looked on at her sister though she was speaking to Hook's body. "I can sense your magical energies are all muddled up. And Hook doesn't talk anywhere nearly as much as you do."

Regina and Emma looked on at one another. Should they admit to this? But admitting a weakness to Zelena was risky. She could exploit it, or do nothing to help but laugh as they floundered.

"Besides," Zelena added on. "Regina would never be caught dead wearing such obscene clothing outside." She ran her thumb over the outfit on Hook. "Cashmere? Surely you can do better."

"Cashmere is a good material, especially for sleeping in," Regina defended, unable to hold back.

"See, I knew it," Zelena smirked and Regina fumed harder. "So what is this? A sexual experiment?"

Emma's brows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know. Trying to spice up the bedroom. Bored with Hook." Zelena languidly waved her speared eggs around before popping them into her mouth. "Unsure if you want a different partner in bed, but afraid to not use his body."

"Zelena that's not-" Hook started but was cut off.

"Let me tell you, you don't need to cling onto his body. Even if Regina doesn't have his hose, she is more than capable enough with what she has. Very capable from what I have heard." She winked at her sister.

"Zelena stop," if Regina ever thought there would be a time she would be mortified of her conquests in bed during her regime as Evil Queen, now was it. She wanted to bury herself into a ditch, and in a past life time she would have buried her  _sister_  in the ditch. Instead, she glared harder at her sister.

Emma had flushed on her left, making a soft 'oh' with her lips.

"I'm not terrible in bed!" Hook slammed his fist onto the table, causing Granny to shoot them a look. "This is the third time I've had to warn you- if you can't behave I will not take your business here."

"Sorry Granny," Emma sputtered out, unable to now look at Regina. Was the woman really as good in bed as Zelena suggested? Sure, Emma had slept with her once as Hook, and that had been mind-blowingly amazing. And if Regina was in her own body...Emma clamped her thighs together. Now was not the time to get aroused. Or to think naughty thoughts about her best friend.

_Who you'd slept with!_  her brain pointed out unhelpfully.

_Shut up!_

"And what are you even wearing in my establishment, Regina?" Granny looked disapprovingly down her nose.

"Clothes," Hook said plainly.

"Inappropriate clothes. Having a rough day? I heard all about the chaos you've been causing around town."

Hook began to sweat. Shit, what did he say to that? He said the first thing that blurted into his head. "You know, just thinking of reverting back to my evil ways-"

Regina kicked him hard under the table, making him almost cry out in pain. He gave her an evil look but switched his wording. "Uh, just kidding. I'm having a midlife crisis-"

Another kick under the table. He swallowed hard and reached down to massage his sore foot. "I've gone crazy! There are voices in my head!"

Regina shook her head, giving up. That was it, after this was all over she was finding the biggest memory spell and enacting it over the whole town. It was either that or murder them all.

Granny humphed. "I think I understand. Menopause at such an early age can be hard. Why don't you come with me to the back room and we'll have a nice chat about it." Before Hook could resist, the older woman had pulled him up roughly by the arm and into the back room. Regina was already anticipating the screams of horror upon Hook finding out the gory details of menopause.

Well, at least he was out of the way for now.

"I think I can get used to this," Zelena said, clearly taking joy from Regina's troubles.

"I think not. We'll find you a bean and get you back home," Emma input.

"Don't be a party pooper. I can help."

They both knew how Zelena's 'help' worked out.

"No thank you, Regina already found some notes on the topic."

"Actually, my notes were ruined. Because  _someone_  dumped a whole firetruck's worth of water on me," Regina said bitterly.

Emma cringed at that. "Uh, right."

"See, you  _do_  need my help after all," Zelena stuck her nose up arrogantly and the way she purred those words made the two other women feel like prey in a trap.

"We were doing just fine, thank you," Regina commented, busying herself with her tea. She kept trying to reach for her cup's handle's with her left hand only to realize that was a) her hook hand and b) she was missing her hook because she'd thrown it into some creek. She reached for it clumsily with her right hand and accidentally spilled some onto her pants as she tried to take a sip, screaming internally. Zelena noticed this, but the witch, instead of reverting the hot spill with a wave of her hand, only let it be.

_Bitch,_ thought Regina as she blinked back tears.

"Really?" Zelena smugly grinned. "Your town doesn't look like you were doing 'just fine'."

It didn't. Emma was half tempted to give in. "And what can you offer us?"

"Access to more books, and to my magic. Body switching is something that happens a lot in Oz, believe it or not. I have some prior experience with such things."

It was the most hopeful news they had heard in a while. "I suppose we can do it. But we need you to vow to us, magically, that this isn't some scheme for power."

Zelena threw back her head and laughed shrilly at this, startling a few patrons of the diner. "My dears, if I wanted to seek out power, I wouldn't even have to hurt you. You'd do it all on your own, and take down the town with you. All I have to do is stand by and watch."

Regina shamefully looked outside at the damage there. How could she have let Hook make her sink down to his depths? To hurting her town after all she had done to protect it?

"What do you need us to do?" Emma questioned.

"Meet me in Regina's Vault. Luckily there are several methods to fixing a body switch, and the ingredients for it aren't too hard to get."

"You have them all on you? Convenient," Regina snapped out, her suspicions flaring. Was she really giving in this easily to Zelena? Everyone knew you couldn't trust the witch as far as you could throw her. Perhaps any option was better than being stuck continuously as Hook.

"No, I don't have all of them, though I have most, since as a witch it's best to be prepared. That's where you guys come in. I need you to get some of them. I'll hand you the list."

Suddenly ear piercing screams came from the back room where Hook was trapped with Granny. "Better get that," Emma said and pushed herself out of the booth. That left Zelena and Regina together.

The witch from Oz gave a pitying look.

"Stop that," Regina hissed. She hated pity.

"This is the perfect chance to change things with Emma." Zelena leaned in closer, like they were talking about government secrets and not Emma.

"Yes, for the worst," Regina snorted.

Zelena shook her head. "You really can be so obtuse sister. It's a wonder you were able to run a whole kingdom."

"What do you mean?" Regina took great offense to that. She was purposefully being a terrible ruler. That's what being evil was all about.

"This is your chance to steal Emma from Hook."

"Don't you see the way she looks at him? She doesn't look the same way at me. Even when he's in my body, she still looks at him with adoration."

Zelena shook her head ardently. "She looks torn. Because she knows that's your body, but not you, and that the true you is in Hook. She's resentful."

Resentful? "Yes, resentful that I took her precious true love's body from her."

Zelena shrugged, knowing she couldn't convince Regina this way. "If you say so, but I will prove it to you, that you are being obtuse. Open up to her, tell her you love her, and you might be surprised just by what she says."

"I-I don't love her!" Regina protested, flushing. Did everyone know this? "Why would you-"

Zelena tipped her head in a knowing fashion. "The Nile is a nice long river in Egypt. Let's keep it to that." Then she poofed away.

Regina sat there, with Hook's distant screaming a soundtrack to her melancholic thoughts, and intrinsically knew things weren't going to get better.

* * *

"S-she didn't have to show me," Hook stuttered, a blanket over his shoulders, eyes distant and alive with horror like some sort of survival victim. "It was so s-saggy and old and oh god!" he threw his hands over his face and Regina made a disgusted expression. Who knew what the hell had been shown to her body. Maybe the damage would be irreparable. Maybe she'd have to burn her eyes out, scrub her brain clean.

"It's going to be okay," Emma soothed by his side, giving him a cup of something warm. They were in Regina's vault right now, Emma placing a call to her mother to take Henry for the night.

"Of course I will," she'd thrilled. "Did you know Regina donated all her money to my bird club? I didn't know she supported my work like that!"

Great, just another one of the things Regina would never be able to live down.

"I have to invite her to dinner, oh! and buy her something nice. Even build all the birdhouses in her name," Mary continued on.

"Please no," Regina whispered, because she was two more suggestions away from joining Hook under a blanket and crying over her situation. Emma heard and took pity on Regina, and on herself, her mother going a mile a minute.

"Later mom," Emma hung up, breathing out heavily and swiveling to face the green witch. "Okay, Zelena. What's the plan?"

"Well, the first way to fix a body switch is for the two affected parties to drink a potion. Some of the herbs I already have but I need some vital ingredients."

Emma looked down at the list handed to her, reading it out loud. "Blood rocks, don't know what that is. A hair from Regina's and Hook's head, okay. Spindleweed, is it like pot, or a garden weed...and s...semen?!" Emma's face flushed and her voice went shrill. "Semen from what?"

"From Hook's body, of course." Zelena rolled her eyes because Emma was adorably slow.

"Why!" Emma blustered out. "Why is that necessary?"

Zelena put up her hands. "Hey, I didn't make up the potions-wizards and witches are weird and perverted-they get lonely locked up in their rooms inventing potions and such... and I'm only trying to help."

Regina had to hold back a gag at the thought of..."I'm not drinking the potion." She threw the list to the floor in disgust and in rebellion of Zelena's plan.

"Then you can be stuck in this body forever. Beside, no one said that the semen is going into the drink. Neither is the hair. I have to pour some of the potion onto it so the magic can bind. And then you drink the potion, which is made with edible, completely sperm free stuff."

That only made Regina feel marginally better.

"That still sounds like you're making shit up," Emma said, perfectly capturing Regina's thoughts.

"Fine, don't believe me, but I'm the only person willing to help you for free." Zelena threw her hands up, pretending to be offended. Standing behind a bubbling cauldron leaking red smoke, the action only made it look like she was pissed off and making brews to ruin lives.

"What guarantee is there that this potion will even work?"

"It always works," Zelena said confidently.

Emma met Regina's eyes, unsure of what else to do. "It's worth...a try?"

Regina had a bad feeling about this, about Zelena the moment she landed up in Storybrooke. She knew Zelena was cooking something up, other than the potion, but she supposed any plan of Zelena's was worth the risk, rather than having to spend another day as Hook. Regina was really growing tired of his hairy chest, and his body odor. But mostly of being him and pretending to have Emma, when she really couldn't have the blonde. To be this close, yet this far, was tearing holes in her heart.

Regina shook her head wordlessly, ready to hunt down the rest of the ingredients and the ending to this living nightmare.

* * *

The first ingredient they delivered to Zelena was the hair samples. Zelena plucked out one of Emma's golden strands lightly, the hair glowing in the low candle light of the Vault and seeming to be almost gold. Zelena was not as kind to Regina.

"You damn woman! Are you trying to make me bald?" Regina had hissed as Zelena had pecked at her head like some sort of vicious hen, pulling out hairs willy nilly and dropping them as they were deemed 'unsatisfactory'. "Just pick one and go with it."

"I need to pick a good one. It's not my fault Hook doesn't have good hair." Zelena said calmly, shifting through the hairs on Hook's body's head, his scalp red from aggravation. "Regina, though, has amazing hair. Did you notice her hair?" This was directed towards Emma who flushed.

"Uh, yea. I noticed it. Real nice," she mumbled uncomfortably.

"Don't you just want to run your hands through it-"

"Zelena, stop that!" Regina warned, feeling her face flush.

"-and tug on those ends and hear her as she screams your name in ec-"

"Zelena!" Regina rounded on the woman, stopping her lewd enactment of Emma pulling Regina's hair. Behind Regina Emma flushed, not knowing what to say.

"What?" Zelena winked at Regina, catching Emma's reaction.

Regina let a heavy sigh exit her body. Maybe she should abort this mission now before it was too late to salvage anything. "Did you pick a hair already?"

"Yup, got one," she held it up. "Now hurry and get the rest, this potion won't make itself." She shooed Regina and Emma out, slamming the crypt door shut behind them. There is an awkward air around them that let's Regina know Emma is actually thinking and envisioning what Zelena said to her and Regina's flattered, finding it arousing, at the same time she hates her sister for trying to ruin Emma when Emma doesn't want this, doesn't want to think about her friend that way.

Emma rouses herself first, light pink dusting her cheeks. She pulls out the list. "Wanna, uh, get the blood rocks?"

"Sure," Regina nods her head, striding forwards. This, she can do. She's always been good at cataloging and finding things for potions.

"What even are they?" Emma asks, brows furrowed up. "I've never heard of these things before."

"The best way to describe them is as small mice like creatures that you when you squeeze too hard, shed blood."

"So...not rocks at all?"

"No, their name is misleading. Though, when laid flat on the ground they look like fuzzy stones, so maybe the name has some merit."

Emma frowns at the oddity of it, and of the thought of having to drink mice blood in the potion. But she sets ahead to do the task and tries really hard not to dwell on what Zelena said. Her friend Regina did have great hair. Emma had thought of touching it a couple of times before, of feeling it's silky nature, but Zelena had inserted another use for it and that was pulling it during sex. Damn Zelena, Emma thought. She was putting inappropriate thoughts of Regina in her head.  _Focus on the rocks. On the rocks,_ Emma tells herself and tries to keep her thoughts away from the bedroom for the rest of the tasks duration.

Regina too is content to remain quiet, though that is more because she is fuming at her sister and her meddling ways. She doesn't want things to get ruined between herself and Emma. She needs to be careful, to proceed with this body switching carefully so Emma doesn't make anymore mistakes she regrets. She doesn't want to ruin Emma's true love even if it's ruining Regina on the inside.

Two hours later they finish up their tasks, returning to the Vault where Zelena accepts the items and immediately begins to set them up for preparation for the spell. "Well," she prompts when she sees the two of them still standing around. "Get on with the last necessary step." She waves a dismissive hand at them.

Regina's lips twist up. "I swear, if this is some cruel joke and you put  _it_ into my drink-"

"I get it," Zelena makes another dismissive hand motion. She indicates for Regina to leave to a side room. "Now hurry up and do it."

Not feeling at all reassured by her sister's attitude towards this, she shambles off to the side room and clicks the door softly behind herself. Emma stands where she is, arms over her chest. "Now what?" she asks Zelena who shrugs.

"Now we wait." Then she turns to cutting up her ingredients and leaves Emma waiting and wondering if Regina is going to be able to do something like that. She's filled with a strong sense of longing for Regina not to do it. The thought of her friend having to touch Hook's intimate part makes her mad for some reason. And not a protective mad, in the sense that she doesn't want Regina near her man like that (technically, Regina  _is_  her man now) but like a 'Regina shouldn't have to do this with someone she doesn't like' sense (because Regina hates Hook but is it still hating him when she  _is_ him?) Tapping her foot impatiently, Emma suddenly gives up on waiting and storms towards where her friend has gone to, unable to bear leaving her with this task.

Zelena merely looks up with a smile on her face, not saying anything on Emma's departure. She returns back to her potions and counts down the minutes, humming cheerily whist she does so.


	7. Heated

Now came the 'fun' portion of Zelena's task- finally collecting the semen.

Regina already knew she was going to get traumatized because of this. That's why she was booking a session with doctor Hopper in advance. He picked up on the first ring. "Hello, Hook. Calling to schedule another session?"

What? Did Hook go to therapy? "A session? I've booked with you before?" Regina asked in utter confusion.

"Of course you have. You've come over to talk to me about your ship."

"I have?" Wow, how pathetic. Regina gave an evil grin. Now was her chance to get some dirty details on that dirty pirate. "Refresh my memory, but what exactly do I talk to you about regarding my ship?"

"Oh Hook," Archie tsked. "I thought we had made some progress but I can see you're still in denial. It's perfectly normal for a man to get attached to his boat. You care for her, and you've been through a lot together. And I know you got upset when I told you that while you can care for an object, being sexually attracted to one is less normal-"

Here Regina had to pull the phone away so she could guff loudly. Hook was sexually attracted to his ship? Oh, this was too rich! Trying to stem her laughter she tuned back in, not wanting to waste another second of this. "-and you told me you'd stopped attempting to give cunnilingus to the steering wheel-"

Again Regina had to pull herself away, trying to silently laugh as she bent out of shape in amusement. When she had most of her sounds under control she placed the phone by her ear again.

"-but we've already established that we'll get you over your infatuation with your ship since you want to be a better man for Emma, and because you don't like feeling like you're cheating on her-"

Regina hung up the call, roaring, with tears coming to her eyes. This was just too good! She couldn't wait to rub it into Hook's face next chance she got!

"Hey, are you ready?" a timid knock came at the bathroom door that Regina was in. She jumped, forgetting that she was supposed to be doing something else right now. Emma was on the other side, in the spare bedroom, waiting for Regina. "You've been in there a while."

Regina had first tried to hype herself up in the mirror, then taken great care in cleaning herself down there, and then tried to hype herself up again, and then paced uselessly around, finally sitting down and unzipping her pants, staring at her crotch in preparation, not feeling prepared, looking up and grimacing as she took the limp heavy thing into her hand, and then called Archie and now- "It's just, I feel uncomfortable doing this."

There was a long pause on the other end, before- "You should let me handle this. I um, have had more experience with this," Emma admitted shyly.

Regina didn't like the thought of Emma touching Hook's diseased peter or the thought of them having sex in the past. It made her stomach sour and bile fill her mouth. Yet, now that appendage regrettably belonged to her and because it had a mind of it's own, it actually stiffened.

Okay, maybe Regina could get somewhere with this. But as she tried pumping, it only hurt. "Ouch! What am I doing wrong?" She'd never given a guy a hand-job, that was something they usually took care of on their own.

"Did you put lotion on it?"

"Why would I put lotion-"

"Your hands are too dry-it's going to cause friction and that's going to hurt."

"Why is this so much work," Regina grumbled out, searching around her bathroom from her spot on the toilet seat cover for some lotion. She grabbed the nearest one and spread some on her hand.

"If you let me in, I can help you."

Regina flushed at that- that was too embarrassing. She didn't want Emma to see her in such a position. She opened her mouth to reject the offer when the door swung open. Emma stood in the doorway for a while, just looking at Regina who was too frozen to do anything but sit there, dick out and hand coated in cherry blossom lotion. "Door was unlocked," Emma said quietly, clearing her throat and averting her eyes at last. She shut the door behind her, entered the room, and rocked back and forth on her heels, eyeing the decor.

"Nice bathroom. A bit macabre, don't ya think?" she picked up one of the skull shaped scented candles and sniffed it.

"Do you mind?" Regina asked with an edge to her voice, incredibly uncomfortable.

"Uh, sorry," Emma flushed but stayed put. "I came to help you out."

"Well, you're not helping now. You're making this...harder," Regina stated, trying to discreetly cover herself.

"Isn't it good if it's harder?" Emma asked and it took Regina glaring at her for her to realize the other meaning. "Oh," Emma stumbled. "You mean, yea..just, okay. Not that harder." She scratched the back of her head and looked down at the floor.

When the silence stretched out, Emma coughed and looked Regina dead in the eye. "Just let me help. I know you don't really like Hook, so you shouldn't have to do this. It's not fair."

Regina set her jaw. She didn't want Emma touching it. It would be too sharp of a reminder on what exactly the couple did together.

"Emma-"

"Just...I know this is difficult, and I'm only trying to help you out. If I give you a hand, things might be easier." When Regina didn't bite, Emma spread out her hands. "I won't even look. And you won't have to look either."

Regina drew in a breath. The things she got wrapped up in. She nodded her head in agreement solemnly. "Fine," because arguing would get them nowhere and Regina was not at all motivated to do what had to be done. Torch towns, steal hearts, she could do that, but touch Hook's dick willingly? Nah.

"Okay," Emma nodded her head, taking a step or two closer until she was hovering right above Regina. This only made Regina fidget some more uncomfortably.

Emma could sense Regina was completely out of her element, but they needed this done so the body switch could occur, so Hook could be back in his body and Regina in hers. She needed a way to reassure her friend, to distract her and to get Hook's friend down there excited as well so the job would go more smoothly. Without thinking too deeply on this and doing what felt natural, she grabbed Regina's face between her hands and kissed her. The kiss started off soft, tentative. But as Emma pulled away she saw Regina's eyes lid as the complaints died in her throat. Saw the want there, naked and bared in front of her. It was like a fog fell over their minds, like something was pulling Emma to Regina. So she leaned in and kissed her again, harder and more intense.

Regina let her eyes close as she sunk into the kiss. Emma was kissing her again and she didn't know why but she wasn't going to complain. How many other occasions would she have to kiss Emma like this? Wanting more, wanting to see how far she could push this she stood up, wiping her hand hastily on the side of her pants so she could rid herself of the lotion and grasp Emma's chin in a soft hold. Emma took a step back and another and Regina followed after her until the blonde was pinned to the bathroom door, pressing into her. Emma let out a gasp as the visible proof of Regina's arousal became apparent. She eyed the physical nature of it, already forgetting what they were supposed to be doing with it, before she scrambled to find the doorknob behind her. "Bed, now."

Regina was too invested in savoring every second of Emma's lips to do more than nod her head in response.

They clambered into bed, Regina hovering over Emma, their lips locked together. Emma's hands wondered over Regina's chest, pulling the shirt apart, but Regina didn't want that. She lacked the breasts to feel any stimuli right now anyways, so she wanted to focus on mainly pleasing Emma. Their lips popped apart loudly as Regina trailed down to between Emma's legs. Wordlessly, Emma shimmied her pants off, tossing underwear to the side. Regina swallowed heavily as she looked onto glistening wetness. How many nights had she dreamed of tasting the savior? Too many, and it had been far too long since Regina's last taste. She wanted to dive right in, but like any sweet thing, it needed to be savored. Gently she pressed kisses to Emma's thighs, and the area around her opening, teasing her with how close her lips were.

"Regina," Emma groaned out impatiently. "Hurry."

"No one likes a whiner," was Regina's rejoinder yet she too was fighting her own impatience. She wanted to be tongue deep already but she knew it would do neither of them good. She dragged her lips to Emma's slit and blew some cool air on it, making Emma twitch above her. Then, slowly, she nudged her nose against Emma's clit, watching in joy as she twitched again.

"At this rate I might die a virgin," Emma huffed out, hands itching to push Regina's head to where it belonged.

"We both know you are far from virginal," Regina murmured.

"As are you. So, stop nosing around like a dog, and start licking like one."

"Dogs don't like cats," Regina started, moving away as she teased only for Emma to violently lock her legs around the brunette's neck and pull her face first.

There was a happy moan from both of them as Emma finally got some pressure and Regina was finally able to taste Emma again. She didn't waste any time for now. She licked and sucked and even spelled out letters. Emma moaned and ground above her, one hand in the pillows and other hand playing with one of her nipples. Her leg hold only tightened as she got closer and closer to her crest. Regina felt herself throbbing down there painfully and she decided now was a good chance as ever to get that task done. Using one hand she pumped away, eyes closing as pleasure surrounded her. She wished she had another hand so she could sneak a finger into Emma, swirling it around. As it was she couldn't.

With a muffled groan Emma came all over Regina's face just as she was finishing up the phrase REGINA IS THE BEST. At the sound of Emma's pure pleasure Regina came too all over the sheets, breathing hard. Emma's legs dropped down from around Regina's neck and as Regina sat up she had a dizzying moment. Eyeing her own hands she saw that finally, she was back in her own body. She quickly ran her hands all over her chest, checking that her breasts were there, ran her hands over her hips and her smooth hairless thighs. It felt so good to be back. Except for the pounding headache of Hook's hangover on her body and the sting of the tattoo he had given her on her back.

Well, so much for the potion. They had accidentally resolved the issue.

Hook found himself back in his body, standing around in the lobby of the Vault. "What's going on?" he asked, the timbre of his voice surprising him. He looked around wide eyed as Zelena gazed at him coolly, tapping her finger on her chin as she evaluated his figure. "Either you've been to the pool or you were horribly disfigured."

"What are you taking about?"

She pointed one manicured finger down to his crotch, where his dick was hanging out. "You're small," she commented.

Mortified and angry he quickly shoved that back in. "What the bloody hell is going on!" His body had just been switched and his dick had been hanging out. That could only mean one thing. What ever horrors he'd faced at Granny's hand would pale in comparison to the shit he was going to give Regina if what he assumed was true.

"Relax," Zelena held her hands up. She saw the murderous look in his eyes and she didn't need that right now. The two girls needed some time together to collect themselves if Zelena had her suspicions right. Looked like her plan had worked out like she thought it would. "They just had to collect a semen sample for my potion."

"A semen sample?" he gaped open mouthed. It was not an attractive look on him, and it made him look dumber than he already did.

"Yes. I'm assuming they got it and are just packing it up for the potion. I was making a body switch potion to help you and Regina return back to your bodies."

Hook's confusion was momentarily tamping down on his anger, which was good. It would buy the women some time. "How come I didn't know about this?"

"You were too busy being traumatized by what Granny said."

"Oh god, don't remind me!" Hook wailed out and dropped his head into his hand.

Good, that would keep him busy for some moments.

* * *

Emma takes in Regina's original and almost naked form on top of her. "Looks like you got your body back," she comments and Regina can't read the look in her eyes. Is she disappointed? Disgusted? This hadn't been the plan but then Emma had kissed her and it didn't seem possible for those kisses to end in any other way than bedding each other.

"Yea," Regina swallows, clears her throat awkwardly. She needs to get dressed, needs to get out of here. She can't stand having Emma reject her like she had last time when they had slept together. She makes to move only for Emma's slender fingers to close on her wrist and pull her back, pull their sweaty bodies together.

"I owe you some favors for the delicious orgasms you've given me," Emma husks and slips a hand down between their bodies, Regina magicking her clothes away. She finds wet slick heat and Regina can't believe this is happening-that Emma is actually touching her. She could cry from happiness if her body didn't need this release so badly.

Emma's fingers trace over swollen and slick folds, spreading moisture around. Regina's hips jerk of her own accord and her breaths get lighter, higher in pitch. She spreads her legs further apart, wanting to give Emma as much room as possible to work. Emma's touch is simply magic. And here Regina had been the whole time thinking Emma was incapable of successfully mastering any sort of spell craft only for it to turn out that sex was her forte. Each movement was planned, having been carefully put together. And it was powerful sorcery, sending ripples of pleasure up and down Regina's spine.

The tip of Emma's thumb lightly dipped in and Regina's breath caught in the back of her throat as her hands came to encircle Emma's neck. She wanted to kiss Emma again, wanted to let her know with her mouth how good this all felt. But kissing was definitely out of bounds for her. Kissing was reserved for Hook, and his body. Emma was only being a good friend and giving Regina a release for all the past sexual favors Regina had done for her while as Hook.

Emma's thumb makes another teasing pass inside and Regina is boiling with unresolved tension. Her nails dig into Emma. "Emma, please," she begs. Fricken begs, and Emma can't and won't deny her friend this any longer. She'd wanted to make Regina feel good as thanks for how Regina made her feel in bed- it was no fun being aroused while the other person was sated. But this was turning into something more than just a thanks. Regina looked so fucking hot, nipples hard, lips parted as she panted, and eyes darkened with lust. And she'd just begged- Regina normally never did that. It made the apex of Emma's thighs throb in renewed vigor. It made her want to fuck Regina so good that it would last her for months.

She drove three fingers into Regina's opening hard. The brunette felt her insides squeeze so strongly from arousal that she bit down hard onto Emma's shoulder to muffle her scream. Emma hissed out in pain. Who knew the mayor was a biter? She withdrew her hand slowly to Regina's displeased whimpers before driving it back in. Regina bit down harder in retaliation, trying hard to silence herself. She had to get control over herself. She didn't want Emma knowing how much she enjoyed this, needed this. Because then Emma would get scared. She knew Emma's type. Too much commitment and everything was ruined. That was the only reason she hadn't married Hook yet.

But there was a part of her that whispered to her to let go. To be free. To take advantage of this moment. She removes her mouth from where she's marked Emma. Huge teeth marks almost drawing blood litter her shoulder and Regina is pleased that she's finally able to get her mark on this spectacular woman.

Emma's hand began to find a unique rhythm that matched Regina; each time she would withdraw, moisture would run down Regina' thighs, trickle down onto the sheets. The noises their movements made were simply obscene, filling the whole room.

Emma eventually laid down flat on the sheets so she could find a better angle, one that had her rubbing against Regina's walls. Regina's hips sped up, and she desired to feel more, to finally reach her high. She held herself up, eyes half lidded, watching Emma with interest. The blonde was looking up at her with some sort of unveiled emotion. But what was it?

Emma thought Regina simply looked beautiful right now. Her skin was glowing and covered in a sheen of sweat, her cheeks were flushed, her lips were puffy, and she looked so aroused beyond her own rationale. Emma wanted nothing more than to kiss her right now, to pull her in. This was no longer about repaying Regina; it was something more. Something more that Emma feared to dive fully in. So she clamped her lips shut and adjusted her hips so her pelvis could grind more perfectly into Regina's, free hand aiding her with her riding.

Regina can feel herself coming closer and she intensifies her motions. She's impaling herself on Emma's fingers at this point, and there's a sting that accompanies each touch from how hard she's going, but Regina is beyond giving a shit. She knows this moment won't last so she wants a lasting impression, wants to take in as much of Emma as greedily and quickly as possible. Her walls are clenching down on Emma's limber fingers, milking them for all it's worth.

"Jesus Regina, you're going to break my fucking fingers," Emma gasped out, not all expecting this new level. The former queen was rough when it came to bed. And energetic and needy.

Her breasts jiggle with each desperate motion as she rides the savior's hand, up and down and up again, and Emma uses her hips to push her hand so that as Regina's descending, she drives her fingers up higher. Regina wants to scream from how pleasurable it all is, but she holds back, only letting out whimpers and fists the sheets next to Emma's head, eyes closed.

And now Emma's trying a new move, corkscrewing her fingers and oh- Regina cums without warning, so hard it chokes her. She collapses on top of Emma's body, writhing in indescribable pleasure, trying to breathe, and Emma holds her, peppers gentle kisses down Regina's neck as the former queen finally returns to her senses.

* * *

Hook recovers quicker from whatever PTSD he has from Granny's than expected and makes to stride towards the door where Emma and Regina are.

"Wait!" Zelena calls out in panic. "I got you some hooks to replace the one you lost." She magics a stand full of different types of replacements he can use. He stares at them, eyes then flicking up to her. "Zelena, most of these are just toilet brushes."

"Well," she rolls her eyes, covering up her slightly flustered state. She literally put the collection together in a split second of panic, so if it's lacking she can be excused for that. "It's not easy finding several models of customized hooks. Just pick one for now and I'll get you some better ones."

He seems reluctant to do so and so she swallows down her pride and bats her eyes at him. "Please?" she begs. "Do you it for this kind little woman."

"You're not a woman, but a witch!" Yet Hook stays out of the male obligations of his era when men must indulge women, and pretends to consider which toilet brush will work best with his outfit.

Zelena eyes the door out of the corner of her eyes and wills them to hurry up. It's a good thing that they're probably reconciling and talking about stuff, but could they not hurry up? Did they not remember Hook was out here?

A loud moan filtered in through the door and Hook's head snapped up to it, suspicion coloring his gaze.

"That was just the wind!" Zelena covered. "It gets real windy here."

He frowned but said nothing, turning back to the other objects Zelena had presented as a replacement. "Is that a back scratcher?"

"Who doesn't want a back scratcher as a replacement?" she smiled at him and coughed loudly when she heard another wanton sound from the room. And then coughed again. And again. She fell into a rapid coughing fit, making Hook frown at her again. "Are you okay?"

"Just dusty in here, bad for my allergies," she lied, pulling out a handkerchief to cover her mouth.

 _Hurry up!_  she hissed, looking at the closed door.

* * *

Emma regretfully pulls her fingers out, but massages them over Regina's soaked lips, back and forth, reluctant to fully give up being away from Regina's most intimate place. It's so warm and soft there, so inviting. Given how tough Regina is on the outside, it's so discombobulating that this here is the reminder that she is as soft and vulnerable as anyone else.

Regina's impatient and grabs Emma by the wrist and forces her fingers in all the way up to her knuckles. She hisses in pleasure, her walls already sucking in the blonde's appendages and keeping them there, muscles pulsating in deep want. She needs to feel Emma in her again. Regina had thought that being able to get into Emma earlier with Hook's friend down there had been good, but nothing could beat this, the simple feel of Emma finger fucking her, connecting them through their hands, which were the actual source of magic.

Regina could feel their innate magics thrumming together, weaving a connection from Emma's hand right into Regina's center. It filled with Regina with warmth. She knew there had always been something with their magic- their powers called to each other during spells and in moments of emotional crisis. Even when the day was calm they would reverberate whenever they gravitated towards one another. Regina didn't know if Emma felt this, for Regina was more in tune with her powers than Emma was. And now during sex, she definitely could feel it, a sheer raw intensity as Emma's magic was able to call out to her and finally reach her directly.

"Oh~" Regina's hips are already gyrating on their own, opening swallowing up every little twist and thrust Emma gave. Their breasts pressed together, bodies undulating in time. She wonders if Emma can feel this, can finally sense their connection.

Emma's not sure what she feels, but it's almost like her magic is thrumming through her veins, powering her touches, making her skin warmer, making the air around them static. Her other hand crawls up to Regina's lower back, and pulls her in tighter, nibbling on her ear lobe. If Emma had had enough mind to notice, she would have taken into stock that her hands are lightly glowing a whitish light. But currently her senses are occupied on the beautiful creature above her.

Regina feels light headed, feels like her heart is going to explode from how quickly it's beating. She wants to touch Emma, wants to taste her once more, but she can't. Can barely function enough to keep most of her louder moans in.

"You want more?" Emma asks, and she's breathless with anticipation, with wanting and needing Regina to fall apart again. She's never known she needed this so much, to see the usually reserved and composed woman trembling and cumming to pieces.

Regina nods her head, a mewl leaving her lips. Emma's four fingers deep now, thumb swirling over Regina's engorged clit. Emma sucks a path down Regina's neck, teeth nipping right under her jawbone. Regina's hands scrabble for purchase in the sheets above Emma's bed, because they're still just friends, and this doesn't mean Emma feel this way about her, even though it means the world to Regina and-fuck it, she can't help herself anymore. She grabs Emma's face by her strong jaw and kisses her soundly, biting at lips and moaning deliciously.

That's just what Emma needs, just what she wanted, because next thing she knows the tingling feeling in her hands disperses as she orgasms from seeing Regina get off of her. It's not a big one, but just enough to ease the newly awakened sexual tension in her body. Regina has one of her bigger orgasms yet when she feels some of Emma's magic being poured into her. She clamps her eyes and lips shut and rides out the waves like a pro.

Emma finally pulls her hand free. Her skin is pruned, and her middle finger especially sore, when she notices there's...sparkles on her fingers? What the fuck? Her sex addled brain is still recovering and she has no idea what is going on.

"Regina, does your vagina naturally sparkle?"

"That's not...me," she pants breathlessly, because fuck if she's not tired and spent but still wants more. "That was you."

"Me?" Emma raises her brows high, throwing her clean arm over Regina's shoulders as the tired woman sinks onto her.

"It was your magic. I felt it inside me. When we finally came it went off, and probably covered me with glitter."

"That...is weird." Emma didn't know what else to make of this. She'd probably have to look into this more, afraid that she could have potentially hurt Regina unintentionally.

How long has Regina dreamed of this-how long as she wished to be held in Emma's strong hold, to be able to be touched by the savior herself. And now it's happened. She's giddy and elated beyond belief and she wants to thank Emma for this moment, even if she was only returning a favor for a friend.

"Even weirder than a body switch?" Regina asks in a sex heavy voice and Emma suddenly bolts up in bed, post coital bliss forgotten.

"Fuck!" she screams. "I forgot about Hook!"

Regina curses herself for reminding Emma of this. For ruining their moment.

As if summoned by Emma's words, there is a violent knocking that breaks their happy sphere.


	8. Hiding from Problems only Creates More

 

It's Hook, who has finally gotten fed up of waiting for them. He storms in and Zelena follows after him, unable to use her magic to stop him because she's promised not to use magic to harm others and the only way to stop him from entering would have been to kill him. She's sure even if he was unconscious his body would still find a way to drag itself in.

Emma was up in a moment pleading, "Please Hook, wait, it was an accident!" She was wrapped up in a blanket, trying to cover her naked state but it was already apparent what had happened here.

"You slept with her again!?" he roared out, visibly purpling with anger.

Regina was not as distressed. She had been waiting for this moment- waiting to get her hands on him for what he did to her.

"Ah, there you are. I've been meaning to do this for a while," and then with a lazy flick of her wrist she sent him crashing into the stone wall where he hit his head hard and knocked out.

Finally. Peace and quiet.

"Regina! What the hell are you doing!?" Emma blustered in outrage, gathering the sheets up even closer to her chest while Regina waves a hand over herself and is sensibly dressed once more. Emma rushed over to Hook's side, making sure he was still breathing. She rolled him onto his back, checking his head for any open wounds. There were none.

"Giving him his due. That is the least he deserves for all the shit he did to me today!" she screamed out, her voice echoing around the Vault. She's mad because Hook ruined their moment, mad because he ruins everything between her and Emma.

Sensing this can go south very quickly, Zelena interjects. "I'm guessing you didn't get the semen?" she says dryly, hoping to detract them. It doesn't work. They just turn their ire on her.

"Shut up Zelena," Regina snarled out, feed up and just tired of everything. Ever since this stupid body switch first occurred things have changed between her and Emma and not for the best. She just wants things to be the way they once were. Is that so much to ask? True, she liked Emma and it hurt to see her with the pirate but now it would hurt even more because she had tasted Emma, had gotten to hold her, and now she would have to relinquish all this.

"You ruined everything Zelena. You tricked us!" Emma shouts at the witch from Oz, trying to shift the blame so she doesn't feel so damn guilty about what she just did. "I bet this was your plan the whole time. Trying to get us to sleep together."

That was Zelena's plan but she didn't like the way she was being accused of it, like she had attempted to kill puppies. That was Cruella's thing. Not hers. She wasn't nearly anywhere as evil. "Well, I didn't have to try hard, now did I. You did it all without much prompting," she says nastily and Emma flushes red because she's been caught.

"You still tricked us. You still let it happen. We were supposed to use the damned potion to reverse this mistake!"

Zelena is really getting fed up with the little savior and of how she's trying to be goody goody now when she committed adultery of her own will. It's not like Zelena put a magical hand gun to her head and made her do it. "I wanted you to finally open your eyes! What you are doing is hurting Regina!"

"Zelena..." Regina growls out in warning, because she has a hunch where her sister is going. But it's too late. The witch from Oz and Emma are in too deep.

"Hurting Regina? How am I hurting her? She's the one who just hurt Hook!" Emma extends a hand to the man on the ground as evidence.

"Zelena!" Regina warns again, not wanting to use magic on her sister. She strides over to her side, grabs her by the shoulder to shake her free from the hold of her conversation with Emma but it's too late.

"Regina's in love with you!" Zelena yowls out and everything grows quiet, too quiet. Regina's breath froze in her lungs, and her heart slowed to a painful crawl. Emma too, stilled, not even batting an eye as she looked on at Zelena. Even Zelena was silent, letting the words sink in, realizing she had said too much.

At long last Emma slowly turned to Regina, her hold so tight on her sheets that her knuckles matched their color. "I-is that true?" she croaked out and Regina poofed away in panic, unable to answer.

* * *

She spends all of next week hiding from Emma. Ignoring her phone calls and messages, working from home, and then leaving home to hide in her car when Emma drops by. Not even her Vault is a good hiding place because Emma stops by there to look for her as well. Plus, it's where they made love and Regina can't stand to see the bittersweet reminder.

Henry too is worried for Regina but she refuses to answer his calls even as it breaks her heart to do so. Because Emma can be using him to get to her and she can't risk that.

Avoiding Emma is a lot of work, and it tires Regina out. Thinking on how Emma might be disgusted that Regina loves her, also tires her out. But most tiring is her lack of sleep. She refuses to sleep because she might turn into Hook again and she will not chance him back in her body. He will destroy it, that is for certain. Luckily she was able to remove the tattoo, which is a small part of the damage he has wrought on her life. Getting back her relationship to be normal again with Emma is something much bigger she fears she can never repair.

So she sticks to small things, like brewing potions to keep her up, though they taste terrible and leave her looking like shit, and trying to get her money back from Snow.

"But I've already invested it. All of it," Snow says brightly when Regina calls her.

"How do you invest nearly a million dollars into birdhouses!" Regina's voice is shrill and out of control, but really, how could she be in control when Snow has wasted all her fucking money on bird houses!

"I made my own company," Snow continues on cheerily, ignorant of Regina's ire. "I'm going to build bird houses all over America, so no bird will be without a home. It will be splendid and grand. Oh, but don't worry, I named the company after you too. I called it Snow and Regina's Birdtopia."

Regina hangs up there so she won't be tempted to kill Snow anymore than she already is. "I knew I should have killed her back in the Enchanted Forest," she rubs her temples. "And I should have killed Hook too once his usefulness in finding Henry passed." She is officially bankrupt now, and the empty coffers of her family name match the emptiness she feels in her heart.

Regina decides to hunt down Zelena as a form of stress relief but the witch has wisely disappeared to spare herself from Regina's murderous punishments. If only Zelena hadn't spilled the truth than maybe things would have been salvageable with Emma. But not anymore.

Regina wishes and wishes that things hadn't turned out this way, but what good is a wish no one can hear?

At the end of the week, Emma finally catches up with her, just as Regina is heading out of her mansion door to the cementary where she feels right at home to mope; feeling as dead as the resident there are. Before Regina can scramble back indoors or poof away, Emma's words stall her.

"Hook and I broke up." Her words are muffled by a stuffy nose like she's been crying for hours, and her eyes skirt around Regina's face, ashamed to look at her. Regina pauses, the words chaining her, making her want to find out more. Emma is quiet before she sighs softly and admits painfully with a wry grin, "well, he broke up with me. And I deserve that."

This is what Regina was wishing for, what she had wanted to happen for so long. But now that it has, she feels guilty and dirty. Is it because of her Emma lost her chance at true love? Is Emma here to belittle her for it? Why is she telling her this? "I want to talk to you," Emma shoves her hands in her pockets to hide how shaky they are.

And here it comes- the speech, the one in which Emma is gonna tear Regina a new hole in her heart-

"Was what Zelena said true?"

Or no, maybe she's here to break Regina's already crumbling heart into pieces once more.

Regina can't stand to let herself be hurt like that again so she turns on her heel to dismiss Emma but the blonde reaches out for her, pulls her towards her and they are standing mere inches from each other, nose to nose. "Please, Regina, I need to know." Now emerald eyes search citrine eyes.

Dark thoughts form in Regina's mind, certain Emma is only here for one thing. "I won't be your rebound," she hisses, hurt and upset. And that statement is enough of a confirmation to Emma about Regina's feelings than Regina saying she is in love with Emma.

"I don't want a rebound." And Regina's throat closes up at that. Emma doesn't even want to try with her. She's just here to rub Regina's feelings into Regina's face. "I want to check if what I found out is true and only you can help me with that."

The air is tense between them and Regina doesn't know what Emma's asking at the same time she does. But she won't say anything. Let Emma say it, let her make the first move. "Can you help me? Will you?" she implores, eyes soft, hands even softer as they trail up to Regina's cheeks.

"Yes," Regina finds herself saying because her heart is foolish and weak and she wants this too much to say no. So Emma leans in, places a chaste kiss on Regina's lips and it's not enough. It's not enough to heal her broken heart. Just a reminder of what she can't have.

Emma pulls away, a smile on her lips. "I...I had to make sure. When we did all those things together, I wasn't sure if I was reacting that way to you because you were in Hook's body, or if it was because I was actually secretly in love with you. And it turns out..."

 _And, and?! Finish the fucking cliffhanger,_ Regina thinks, because it's better to get this over with now than prolong the suffering if Emma happens to say no, that it was Hook all along and now Regina had fucked everything up between Emma and Hook by making Emma sleep with her twice.

"It turns out I do love you. I've probably been in love with you for a while, but I was just too stupid to notice it all along. And now..." she shakes her head. "Now it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not going to pressure you any further." Emma's hands slip away from Regina's face and the blonde tries to keep the tears at bay. They prick at the back of her eyes, taunt her with how weak she is. She needs to go home and just cry this out, cry over the mess her life has become. Not only has she lost one important person to her, but she's about to lose another.

And it's all because she couldn't see what was in front of her the whole time. How could she have been so blind before? She wishes she could go back in time and change things but she can't.

"Goodbye Regina," Emma says in finality and Regina's heart is thumping in her chest and no- no Emma does not get to say all that, doesn't get to convey her fucking love and true feelings for Regina only to walk away!

Regina's heeled feet carry her furiously over to Emma, spinning the woman around by her red leather jacket covered shoulder. Emma's got a tear leaking from the corner of her eye and Regina wipes at it roughly with her thumb, eyes dark. "You don't get to tell me all that and walk away. I deserve better than that."

"You do," Emma says morosely. "That's why I'm walking away. I treated you so horribly. I hurt you with how I acted around you, with how I dragged you around on a chain and-"

Regina shuts her up by kissing her. It's not the chaste soft kiss Emma gave her. It's hot, sloppy, and full of anger and need. Emma stumbles under the force of it, Regina's hands locking onto her forearms in a vice like grip. They kiss until they're breathless, until their cheeks are flushed. "You don't get to decide for me," Regina says, voice breathless, pulling away a small distance. "Too long people have decided who I should love and what my life should look like. No more. If I want you Swan, you bet I will not let you take that away from me. Too many already have." She thinks of Leopold, of Robin with his pixie dust bond. No choice there. But she wants choice now.

And with no Snow to coddle her daughter from the Evil Queen, with no Hook to poison their bonds with his aggressive heteronormativity, she won't let them get in the way of her having Emma.

"I just...I just," Emma laughs, cutting herself off. "I wish you told me earlier. If you had maybe I would have realized earlier that I didn't want Hook. That I wanted you. When the body switches occurred I couldn't decide who I wanted to sleep with. The first time with you was an accident but it felt so right. It felt better than anything had in a long time. And so did the second time. It became apparent to me slowly that even with you in Hook's body, I wanted you for you. Just for your personality. Even though your body was right there...it wasn't you  _you,_ and it just wasn't right."

"And now?" Regina's voice is a whisper. She wants to hear more of this, more of these sweet words. She deserves to, after all her suffering.

"Now, it's perfect.  _You're_  perfect." Emma stroked the back of her hand gently over Regina's cheek.

"I didn't want you to hate me Emma. Didn't want to tell you my true feelings and ruin what you had with the pirate," Regina admits openly because under the light of the evening sun it seems to be the perfect place for sharing. Not too bright to scare away the truth and not too dark to obscure it.

"It was probably ruined already, I just refused to notice it," Emma says ruefully and their faces gravitate once more into a kiss. This one isn't as intense as the last one; it's sweet and full of promise. "Stay the night?" Regina asks, because she's tired of running around and not sleeping and she wants to sleep safe in someone's arms in case she turns into Hook again tomorrow.

"Gladly," Emma smiles and presses a kiss to Regina's nose. "Let me make it up to you." She sweeps Regina's feet from under her as she lifts her up into her arms. This close, Regina can rest her head on Emma's chest, hear her pounding heart. Feel her warmth. Emma carries her all the way up to the bedroom, places her softly on the sheets. "I want to make love to you in your own skin. I want to show you it's truly you I love." Emma starts to strip and Regina is breathless with anticipation. She watches as a red jacket, shirt and jeans make it to the floor leaving Emma in only her pale flawless skin and her underwear. And then Emma gets down to her knees, spreads Regina's thighs apart. With one corner of her lips quirked up in a cocky look, she dives in and Regina lets out a loud gasp as she gathers the sheets under her hands and holds on. Emma's tongue is skilled, pulling moans and groans out of Regina like it's nothing. The mayor squirms on top, chest heaving, moisture dripping down her thighs. It's not long before her release hits and it hits Emma too, Regina cumming down Emma's chin, dripping onto her chest. Emma wipes it away before she rises and kisses Regina, hands deftly unbuttoning Regina's dress shirt. "Ready for round two?"

It's only the first orgasm of the night, Emma proving her prowess as a lover by making sure every inch of Regina's skin is appreciated without expecting anything in return. Regina's insides twist and boil and she spills over when Emma stokes her fires. "I love your eyes, love your nose," Emma whispers softly, tickling with her words and the light kisses accompanied with her murmurs of appreciation and devotion as she worships everything she names out in succession. "Love your fingers and your hands." And Regina lays there, soaks up the love with closed eyes and a chuckle vibrating in her throat that slowly becomes a moan when Emma makes way down past her belly button and right to her core already drenched with desire.

Emma proves her point, makes Regina feel so loved in her own skin that she feels foolish for ever thinking Emma was once in love with Hook. It effectively erases all the bad between them, builds Regina back into her confidence.

As thanks, Regina lets Emma ride her face, licking and sucking until Emma came not once but twice, exhaustion lining the blonde's features, pleasure making her ache with need for rest.

And when everything is over they collapse on top of Regina's sheets, spent and ready to sleep. Emma drags the covers over them, snuggles up to Regina who let's her spoon her. Regina isn't afraid to wake up as Hook tomorrow because she knows Emma will protect her.

And for the first time in a long time, Regina wakes up in her own body.


	9. A Riddle Among the Stars

"Good morning beautiful," Emma whispers softly, stirring Regina awake. The sun is filtering in through the windows, alighting warmly on Regina's skin. But it cannot beat the warmth of a hastily dropped kiss on her cheek and how it swells her chest. This morning is nothing less than perfect, with Regina waking up by Emma's side and feeling so very peaceful for the first time in a long time.

"Am- Am I still in my own body?" Regina asks, voice rough with sleep and hours of screaming Emma's name last night.

"Would I be calling Hook beautiful?" Emma arches a brow, props up her head on her elbow.

"You have a point. And don't mention his name this early in the morning," Regina yawns, rolling more into Emma's side. "Did we really stop the magic? Is the spell on my body finally broken?"

"I should think so, given how you went to sleep and woke up still you," Emma says, lying down on her back and letting Regina snuggle up to her shoulder.

"But we didn't find out what caused it," Regina points out and Emma chuckles. "Do we need to? It's over and done with."

"Maybe, but we'll never know. What if one day we do something that might trigger it again? We need to know what caused it."

"Ugh, fine," Emma groans. "But I much rather spend time with you in bed, cuddling."

"We can solve the etymology of the curse and still have time for snuggling later."

"Don't use such big words in the morning. My brain can't handle them," Emma wrinkled up her nose.

"It's not my fault your brain is incapable of handling my vernacular."

"If you don't stop, then I'll keep repeating Hook's name over and over-"

At this Regina playfully shoved at Emma. "Do that, and I'll kick you out of bed."

"Not if I kick you out first," Emma teased and flipped over so she was hovering over Regina's figure. She wiggled her fingers in threat before letting them descend onto Regina, running up and town her sides teasingly.

"Sto-stop!" Regina howled out in laughter as she wriggled to get free. It wasn't long before she was gulping back tears and choked laughs and Emma relented on her with a wide grin on her face, getting off the bed. She started to pull on her tight jeans as Regina regained her composure.

"Where should we start first?" Emma asked, looking over her shoulder at Regina. The woman was now sitting up, wiping away her tears. "I'm not sure. Rumple will certainly be as of little help as he was last time."

"Then the library it is. Though I think I would like to stop by for some breakfast first," Emma said as her stomach growled loudly.

The two of them got dressed and then had a quick breakfast in Regina's kitchen before they headed out to Belle's library. They began searching up information on body switching spells, combing through old dusty tomes. It took them ages to do this and the results were pretty much fruitless. If only Zelena was here. She knew something about body spells, but Regina's ire had scared her off back to Oz. Perhaps a trip there was needed? But no, Regina hated that land. It was just...too odd for her tastes. Too much green.

"Well, I give up," Emma announced when five pm rolled around and nothing had been gained. They were no closer to discovering what had made the body switch occur than they had been eight hours ago.

"You can leave if you want, I'm going to stay here," Regina said, eyes still fixed on the book. Emma leaned over and gently took it from Regina's hands, closing it.

"And I think you should leave with me. You need a break and some food in your body."

Regina frowned; Emma had a point. "Fine, but only a short break." She was frustrated by her lack of discovery and she needed to stay longer, as if staying longer would provide her with the answers she wanted.

"Of course. I only worry for you," Emma pointed out kindly. They headed out to Granny's for dinner. Once dinner was over, they separated ways, Regina going back to the library and Emma going on patrol. "We'll regroup after my shift, okay?" she asked, dropping a soft kiss on Regina's cheek.

"Certainly."

Regina's halfway through another useless book when Emma calls her at ten pm, right at the end of her shift.

"Hey, I need your...help with something."

Regina is instantly on alert. If that dirty pirate has done anything to Emma... "What is it?" she asks, slightly breathlessly.

"Just meet me in the park. Quick." And Regina poofs out, right next to where Emma is sitting on a picnic blanket, bottle of wine and some cheese with her.

Regina's eyes soften on this. "Emma.."

"I thought we should do a date in the very least. It's quite overdue," she cheered, popping open the cork and pouring them both a glass. This is too sweet for Regina to be mad at because of the fact she's been disrupted from searching for clues. She joins Emma on the blanket, cradling the glass of wine. She takes a sip. It's not cheap wine for sure and she appreciates that, appreciates Emma knowing her expensive tastes.

Emma is watching her, some unreadable emotion on her face. Regina meets her gaze and the blonde blushes. "I uh, am sorry things ended up this way."

And Regina feels a stab of fear here. Is Emma sorry...to have ended up with Regina? The mayor takes another sip to quell her insecurities.

"I...you deserve better than me. You deserve better than what I can give you, and you certainly deserve a million better dates before I should even be able to kiss you."

Regina feels her chest tighten with affection and she places a hand on Emma's arm to shush her. "Emma, you are more than an evil queen like me deserves. And nobody or nothing is perfect."

"Yea, except you kinda are," Emma smiles brilliantly and Regina can't help but lean in to kiss her. She tastes wine and honesty on Emma's lips and it pleases her immensely.

"I'm taking you out on our next date," is Regina's ultimatum.

"I did such a great job I already get a second date?" Emma hums against Regina's lips before they pull apart.

"Don't push it," Regina warns and takes a sip of her wine. They recline on the blanket, glancing back at each other ever so often and exchanging secretive smiles before looking up at the sky. There are a couple of stars shining right now but barely enough to form a full constellation. Light pollution is such a shame.

"That one's little dipper. And that one there is big dipper," Emma points out. "They say if you can find them you can find the north star and you can always find your way home." Emma's voice is a bit wistful. "It never did lead me to my home. Because I didn't have one to get lost from."

Regina clenches Emma's hand in hers, gives her warm reassurance.

"I had a couple of other constellations I really loved looking at, but we can't see them now. I was hoping to point them out to you while we star gazed."

"Why do you like the stars so much?" Regina asked. "They're just balls of floating gas millions of miles away."

Emma was silent a moment at this as she pondered how best to respond. "I guess...I just love looking up to them. They make me forget about this world and it's issues for a moment and I can imagine that I'm someone floating up in space. But you must be used to being looked up to."

"Oh, and why is that?" Regina said coyly.

Emma gave a flirtatious smile. "Because you're a star."

Emma's sweet words made Regina blush before a sudden realization hit her. Emma's words, and those Gold had stated before  _"Look up and not down,"_  rang loud and clear in her head. Emma stared in wonder as Regina's happy blush slipped into a dazed one, eyes unfocused and wide.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"Stars. It all makes sense!" Regina exclaimed. She turned Emma, intent. "Emma did you ever make a wish on a shooting star?"

Emma was momentarily taken aback by this sudden turn in conversation. "Uh, yea. Why?"

"What did you last wish?"

Emma frowned. "How is that at all-?"

"It's relevant. Just tell me," Regina pressed. She had a feeling that Emma and her both wished for the same thing. Regina was sure she must have done it while drunk; she vaguely recalled a shooting star at some point in the night and even though she didn't know what she could say she knew herself well enough that she had wished upon the thing she had wanted most, and that was a chance to have Emma. Though she didn't know why the body switch occurred unless Emma wished for it. But why would Emma wish for something like that?

Emma looked hesitant to voice her wish but eventually relented. "I uh, wished for a chance to know what you thought of me. That we could kind of understand each other better. That instead of Hook...you were the one by my side. That instead of his scratchy kisses it would be your soft ones, and that his touch would be yours..." Emma trailed off and shrugged here, blushing fiercely.

"So you thought about us being together?"

"I may have contemplated over it," Emma shrugged haplessly once more.

"It has to be stronger than a simple thought. It has to be a strong internal desire that has been caged inside."

"...on several occasions," Emma added, and then defensively, "What, you never think of your hot friends like that from time to time?"

Regina chuckled darkly at this. "I've thought of killing my best friends from time to time."

Emma's face soured and on a more serious note Regina supplied, "I have. Many, many times." Her voice was somber at this and she jerked her head up to the stars, contemplating their secrets and magics. "And it is only when two people who wish deeply for something like this at the same time on a shooting star, that the wish can come true. And it did, giving us both something that we wanted though in an unusual manner. I wanted a chance to be with you and you wanted me by your side and not Hook. And the only way to break shooting star wishes is to either fulfill them or for one of the wishers to cancel their wish on another star."

"You think it's broken then? For good? Since we both became aware of our wish and fulfilled it?" Emma asked, reaching for Regina's hand and running her thumb over the back of her hand.

Regina looked down at Emma, her face shining brighter than any of the stars above, and more beautiful than them too. What had once been distant, miles away, was now so close and burning Regina with it's intensity, with the warmth of endless possibilities. She tangled her fingers with Emma's. "I think we should double check, just to be sure."

And then pulled her into a sordid kiss.


	10. An Epilogue

There were still some things to wrap up before Emma and Regina could embark upon their new found relationship. Firstly, Regina had to get all her money back from Snow who had taken to spending it on birdhouses. "And how are you going to do that?" Emma asked when Regina had informed her. "The money's already invested, the company exists, and it's about to ship stock."

Regina let a devious smile curl up her lips as a fireball flared to life in the palm of her hand. "Insurance. It turns out birdhouses are quite susceptible to fire." And once the company building and all it's stock had been mysteriously burned down and Regina had collected the insurance money, she was almost entirely back to the full amount of money she had started with. Minus a couple thousand.

Nothing that enslaving Snow in her basement and making her mass produce birdhouses until she made back the amount she owed to Regina couldn't fix. Emma wasn't as keen to that idea. "What about I sleep off my mother's debt to you? I could make you come a few thousand times."

"Don't be ridiculous. Don't sell yourself cheap. I'll sleep with you for free," Regina said, leaning in to prove this point. The kiss was soft and languid and Emma poofed the both of them away to the bedroom, hovering on her arms over Regina's form. Normally Regina would have fought for dominance over Emma, but the blonde's kisses were toe curling good and they sent fuzzy feelings through Regina's stomach. She couldn't stop from wrapping her legs around Emma's back and pulling her in close enough to roll her hips into Emma's lean stomach.

It wasn't long before all their clothes had been taken off and their bodies were twisting back and forth in ecstasy, Emma and Regina cumming seconds after the other. Sated, they lounged under the covers, snuggled up to each other.

They were dating now, which lead to the second thing on the list: telling the whole town they were together.

And third, was still getting revenge on Zelena for her meddlesome ways. If only Regina could find her...

Emma was the first one to break the comfortable silence over them. "You know, I'm kind of happy that this whole body switch occurred. If it hadn't, we wouldn't have been able to get together."

"You only say that because you didn't have to inhabit the body of a smelly pirate," Regina wrinkled up her nose.

"But you got to learn something about him and your own body in the process?" Emma suggested hopefully, ever looking for silver linings in disparaging issues.

"I learned too many things about him. Did you know that he's in love with his ship?"

Emma did a double take at this. "What? You're kidding!"

"No I'm serious. I tried to book a session with Archie and he started talking about how he was proud of all of Hook's progress."

"Why was he in love with his ship?" Emma look stunned by this information.

"I don't know why he loved his ship, but Hook felt like he was cheating on you with his ship so that's why he was at therapy." Regina turned in to Emma, kissing her lightly under her jaw. "Honestly, I cannot believe how you fell for a man who would give oral to his steering wheel."

Emma clamped her hands over her ears. "I don't want to hear any more of this!" She let out a groan as something connected in her head. "No wonder his tongue always felt so rough. It's because it was cut up by splinters."

Regina grinned in amusement at that and pulled Emma closer to her so that they could cuddle before going to sleep. It was night outside, the sky lit up by stars that shone brightly over their house. As they started to drift off to sleep, Emma sleepily mumbled out, "Despite how long we've known each other there are so many things I don't know about you yet; so many more things I want to know about you. I hope we can get to know each other better-sorta like a chance to truly live a day in each others shoes."

Regina tightened her hold on Emma, eyes closed. She would like to know Emma better too. She felt like there was so much more she could learn about the woman."I feel the same way. But we have all the time in the world. We don't need to rush it."

"I wish..." Emma trailed off, gone to dreamland already, Regina following soon after. Unbeknownst to the both of them, a shooting star had fallen over the house.

That morning Regina woke up, spitting out long strands of blonde hair from her mouth. "Ugh, Emma, you need to tame your hair," she complained, eyes half open as she turned around to get more comfortable. But her own words paused her. Her voice...sounded a lot like...Emma's?

She sat up, heart pounding in her chest and looked down at her body. Pale skin, long limbs, and lifting up her tank top, yup, a six back that had not been there before.

In panic she turned to where Emma should be sleeping, only to find Regina's body there. She roughly jabbed her in the ribs.

"Wha?" Regina's body blared out.

"Emma!" Regina hissed, already knowing all too well what had happened.

Emma sat up, rubbing her eyes and when she saw her own body in front of her, her eyes and jaw fell right open. "You-me, what?"

"You made us switch bodies!"

"Oh come on! Why is something bad always my fault!?" Emma threw up her hands.

Regina sighed out and shook her head. Not another body switch.

Not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the end of this story. Thanks for sticking along for the ride. I may or may not make a sequel with Regina and Emma body switched. It just depends on my muse.


End file.
